Frank Klaune's definitions

blue streak

Igniting one's own fart. It really does work. The typical "blue streak" is done with the farter sitting on the floor, legs in the air, and holding a bic lighter to the anus while farting violently. It is highly recommended that some sort of clothing be worn when this is done- not only to keep y ou from scorching your anus but also to keep you from shitting all over your friend's lighter.

Damn, Frank did a blue streak the other day. The fire ball was about a foot long!

by Frank Klaune January 27, 2005

urinal anxiety

An affliction of males characterized by unusual behaviours in the men's room. Urinal anxiety is manifest in the actions of a man who walks into the men's room and heads directly toward the urinals, but -upon seeing another man already standing at a nearby urinal- immediately changes course for the stalls. Urinal anxiety afflicts a substantial number of males who have a phobia about pissing in a location where another male might notice their schlong (as if other males would have an interest in someone else's schlong...). The most extreme form of urinal anxiety is usually seen in locations using the old "trough" urinals often placed in ball park restrooms. The afflicted male approaches the other happy, piss-spattering companions, pulls his dick out, and... and... and... (after a long delay) zips his dick back up, unable to urinate, and shame-facedly departs the restroom unsatisfied.

Damn, Frank never uses the urinals. The other day he went into the women's room at the ball park to avoid the trough. I think he's gripped by urinal anxiety.

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005

blastus

Aside from being the name of a biblical character, "blastus" is another term designating a type of fart. A very large amount of intestinal gas is expelled at considerable force. As the flattus is violently expelled through the anus, the high amplitude oscillation of the sphincter results in a great, explosive, low tone of frightful volume. The term may also be applied as a proper noun as necessary.

Grotee let loose (with a "blastus") and it shook the walls. That's why they call him Blastus.

by Frank Klaune October 18, 2004

skunk piss

Any low quality, generic, substandard, crappy tasting, lousy beer or booze.

Frank threw a party last weekend. It was a good time except for the skunk piss the bartender was serving. I got all pissed up at the party and got even with him. First I did an upper deck in his john, then I did a Cleveland Rewind and on my way out, I did a technicolor yawn on his living room floor. Frank is such an idiot!

by Frank Klaune June 24, 2006

I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich

Perhaps the most famous and most recognized Tomism (see "Tomism"), the term is used as a general insult. Tom K. would speak of another person as having "the I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich". It is believed that Tom did not originate the phrase, however. In recent times, the phrase has been combined with "without the jelly" on the end- supposedly to indicate that a peanut butter sandwich WITH jelly has somehow a measurably higher I.Q. Go figure.

"Frank is such an idiot. He's got the I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich."

by Frank Klaune November 23, 2004

jimhat

Street slang for "condom".

"Don't go nowhere without 'cha jimhat. Gotta be smarta' than that."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

urinal protocol

The unwritten, unmentioned male code of conduct strictly governing behaviour in a public restroom.

Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.

Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".

Damn, Frank is such an idiot. He was standing at the trough staring at the black guy's dick.

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005