Frank Klaune's definitions

K-Mart Liturgy

You get up on a Sunday morning, take a shower, dress, then head out of the house. Your family is very sure that you are a good boy, heading out to go to church. Instead of attending church services, however, you go to K-Mart and spend just the appropriate amount of time there browsing merchandise so upon your return, your ruse is very convincing.

Frank's parents think he is such a good boy but we know the truth. He did a K-Mart Liturgy and bought condoms.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

fuck her headlights out

Term used to describe vigorous sex with a some hot bitch. Usually used in a hypothetical situation- bar talk.

Frank was all boozed up when he gestured to that bitch in the corner and said to me, "hey... how would you like to fuck her headlights out." Frank is such a moron.

by Frank Klaune June 24, 2006

blastus

Aside from being the name of a biblical character, "blastus" is another term designating a type of fart. A very large amount of intestinal gas is expelled at considerable force. As the flattus is violently expelled through the anus, the high amplitude oscillation of the sphincter results in a great, explosive, low tone of frightful volume. The term may also be applied as a proper noun as necessary.

Grotee let loose (with a "blastus") and it shook the walls. That's why they call him Blastus.

by Frank Klaune October 18, 2004

urinal protocol

The unwritten, unmentioned male code of conduct strictly governing behaviour in a public restroom.

Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.

Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".

Damn, Frank is such an idiot. He was standing at the trough staring at the black guy's dick.

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005

I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich

Perhaps the most famous and most recognized Tomism (see "Tomism"), the term is used as a general insult. Tom K. would speak of another person as having "the I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich". It is believed that Tom did not originate the phrase, however. In recent times, the phrase has been combined with "without the jelly" on the end- supposedly to indicate that a peanut butter sandwich WITH jelly has somehow a measurably higher I.Q. Go figure.

"Frank is such an idiot. He's got the I.Q. of a peanut butter sandwich."

by Frank Klaune November 23, 2004

jimhat

Street slang for "condom".

"Don't go nowhere without 'cha jimhat. Gotta be smarta' than that."

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

transatlantic cable

Humorous reference to shitting in the lavatory on an airplane which is en-route across the Atlantic ocean.

About two hours after leaving JFK airport, Frank got out of his seat and shitted in the lav. He said he was going to lay some transatlantic cable.

by Frank Klaune April 14, 2005