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Dinkum's definitions

Ice-nine

(1) Any doomsday catalyst; any precipitator which brings about cataclysmic, apocalyptic change -- yes, Virginia, THE END of the world, Armageddon, "that's all she wrote", APOCALYPTIC #FAIL!

(2) The Unholy Grail of overzealous scientists who in the thoughtless pursuit of "pure science" unwittingly create a doomsday device.

(3) Specifically, the fictional doomsday catalyst envisioned by Kurt Vonnegut in his novel "Cat's Cradle." Ironically, the inventor of Vonnegut's "ice-nine" never intended his creation to be used as a doomsday device; this shortsighted scientist only foresaw "ice-nine" being used for the ploddingly pedestrian purpose of making it possible for combat Marines to march over mud in much the same manner that Jesus is said to have come striding across the tempest-tossed waves of the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 14:24).
EXAMPLES:

(1) ' "Suppose," chortled Dr. Breed, "there were many possible ways water could freeze. Suppose the ice we skate upon -- what we might call ice-one -- is only one type of ice. Suppose water always froze as ice-one because it had never had a seed to teach it how to form ice-two, ice-three, ice-four? Suppose there were one form, which we will call ice-nine -- with a melting point of 130 degrees. " '

-- "Cat's Cradle", Ch. 20

(2) ' Breed asked me to think of Marines in a swamp.

' "Their trucks are sinking in ooze."

' He winked. "But suppose one Marine had a capsule containing a seed of ice-nine, a new way for the atoms of water to stack and lock, to freeze. If that Marine threw that seed into the nearest puddle . . . ?"

' "The puddle would freeze?" I guessed.

' "And all the puddles . . .?"

' "They would freeze?"

' "You bet they would!" he cried. "And the Marines would rise from the swamp and march on!" '

-- "Cat's Cradle", Ch. 21

(3) ' "I keep thinking about that swamp" I said. "If the streams flowing through the swamp froze as ice-nine, what about the rivers and lakes the streams fed?"

' "They'd freeze."

' "And the oceans . . . ?"

' "They'd freeze, of course," Dr. Breed snapped.

' "And the springs . . . ?"

' "They'd freeze, damn it!" he cried.

' "And the rain?"

' "When it fell, it would freeze into hard little hobnails of ice-nine -- and that would be the end of the world!" '

-- "Cat's Cradle", Ch. 22
by Dinkum August 20, 2013
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mineral rights

(1) ' Mineral rights are property rights that confer upon the holder the right to exploit an area for the minerals it harbors. Ownership of mineral rights is the right of the owner to exploit, mine, and/or produce any or all of the minerals lying below the surface of the property. The mineral estate of the land includes all organic and inorganic substances that form a part of the soil.' -- Wikipedia.

(2) Selling a mining company the rights to whatever minerals might lie beneath your land is a "Shylock's bargain" because in selling your mineral rights you agree that the mining company has the legal right to destroy all your property above the ground while the miners dig down to where the minerals supposedly are. If only William Shakespeare's Portia* were a real woman lawyer, she would have gotten the miners' case thrown out of court lickety-split -- as is only right and proper, considering how idiotic and truly insane the notion of "mineral rights" really is. And yet, it unbelievably is the law of this great country of ours, where EVERYONE is said be equal, NOT just the billionaire owners of mining companies. -- Dinkum

* Portia is a character in Shakespeare's play "Merchant of Venice".

PLOT SUMMARY: Shylock makes Antonio a loan which says: if Antonio is unable to repay, Shylock may take a pound of Antonio's flesh. Shylock takes Antonio to court; if Shylock wins, he intends to cut out enough of Antonio's heart as would satisfy the terms of the loan -- and kill Antonio.
EXAMPLE:

' "Don't matter if you care," the old miner said, "if you don't own what you care about." He pointed out that the mineral rights to the entire county in which they sat were owned by the Rosewater Coal and Iron Company, which acquired these rights soon after the end of the Civil War. "The law says," he went on, "when a man owns something under the ground and he wants to get at it, you got to let him tear up anything between the surface and what he owns."

' The truth was that Rosewater . . . had been among the principal destroyers of the surface and the people of West Virginia. '

-- From Kurt Vonnegut's 1973 novel "Breakfast of Champions" -- Chapter 14 (page 125 - 126).

* Portia's closing argument at trial: In court, Antonio's lawyer is a woman in lawyerly disguise, who just happens to be Portia, friend of Antonio. Portia deftly appropriates Shylock's argument for 'specific performance', and points out that the contract only allows Shylock to remove the flesh, not the "blood", of Antonio. Thus, if Shylock were to shed any drop of Antonio's blood, his "lands and goods" would be forfeited under Venetian laws. Further damning Shylock's case, she tells him that he must cut precisely one pound of flesh, no more, no less; she advises him that "if the scale do turn, But in the estimation of a hair, Thou diest and all thy goods are confiscate."
by Dinkum September 6, 2013
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Drano

The brand name of a type of household drain cleaner.
EXAMPLE:

' But now Midland City looked unfamiliar and frightening to Dwayne. "Where am I?" he said.

' He even forgot that his wife Celia had committed suicide, for instance, by eating Drano --- a mixture of sodium hydroxide and aluminum flakes, which was meant to clear drains. Celia became a small volcano, since she was composed of the same sorts of substances which commonly clogged drains. '

--- 1973. KURT VONNEGUT. "Breakfast of Champions, or, Goodbye Blue Monday." Chapter 6 (Page 65).
by Dinkum February 15, 2014
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Coprolaliac

A person suffering from or subject to coprolalia, the obsessive and uncontrollable use of scatological language. (Compare with such like back-formations as insomnia and insomniac; hypochondria and hypochondriac; coprophagia and coprophagiac; coprophilia and coprophiliac).
The "jailin' it" droopy-drawers doofus was a COPROLALIAC: he suffered from "the Black man's disease", the utter inability to assemble even the simplest English sentence without lavishly larding his utterances with a plethora of "fuckers", "motherfuckers", "motherfucking", . . . and, well, you get the picture. It was almost as if "motherfucker" was the only word he knew and he was bound and determined to make the most of it -- as a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, an imperative, and, of course, as an interjection! Yeah, good ol' Droopy Drawers, he's cheesin' it as he's sleazin' it -- he's a real kool kitty, a regular "copro-cat".
by Dinkum September 2, 2013
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Nice girls shit ice cream.

A common delusion afflicting the self-styled "nice girl" (who may be either male or female), which consists of the mistaken belief that he/she is soooo superior to the "great unwashed" masses that he/she is excused from the indignity of being subject to the same natural bodily functions as the rest of us. One specific sense of the word denotes sexual frigidity -- i.e., "nice girls" don't have orgasms; they only submit to sexual intercourse in order to fulfill their duty to God and Country.
The girl acts as though she had a Tastee Freez dispenser up her butt. Pretends the thought of having sex has never entered her mind. Yeah, right, and nice girls shit ice cream.
by Dinkum August 12, 2013
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military school

A military academy. Or, as more loosely used, any kind of strict educational institution where, you -- the conscriptee -- can expect to receive lots and lots of discipline. Enrollment in such a hellhole is something parents (especially fathers) use to threaten their unruly or nonconformist sons.
EXAMPLE:

' Bunny was sent away to military school, an institution devoted to homicide and absolutely humorless obedience, when he was only ten years old. Here is why: He told { his father } Dwayne that he wished he were a woman instead of a man, because what men did was so often cruel and ugly.

' Listen: Bunny Hoover went to Prairie Military Academy for eight years of uninterrupted sports, buggery and Fascism. Buggery consisted of sticking one's penis in somebody else's asshole or mouth, or having it done to one by somebody else. Fascism was a fairly popular political philosophy which made sacred whatever nation and race the philosopher happened to belong to. It called for an autocratic, centralized government, headed up by a dictator. The dictator had to be obeyed, no matter what he told somebody to do. '

--- 1973. KURT VONNEGUT. "Breakfast of Champions, or, Goodbye Blue Monday." Chapter 17 (Pages 179 - 180).
by Dinkum February 24, 2014
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charm

' A scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately. '

--- 1973. KURT VONNEGUT. "Breakfast of Champions, or, Goodbye Blue Monday." Chapter 2 (Page 20).
EXAMPLE:

' In 1972, Trout . . . made his living as an installer of aluminum combination storm windows and screens. He had nothing to do with the sales end of the business -- because he had no charm. Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.

' Dwayne Hoover had oodles of charm.

' I can have oodles of charm when I want to.

' A lot of people have oodles of charm. '

--- 1973. KURT VONNEGUT. "Breakfast of Champions, or, Goodbye Blue Monday." Chapter 2 (Page 20).
by Dinkum December 7, 2013
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