Col. Hans Landa's definitions

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

Phi Mu Delta

a kick-ass, small, national fraternity. Unlike the ridiculous douchebags who populate the usual frathouse, Phi Mu Delta advocates true fraternity, democracy, and service to the community. Its members are brothers in the truest sense of the word.

"Where you pledging, bro?"
"Phi Mu Delta, because I believe in brotherhood and kindness."

by Col. Hans Landa March 21, 2012

UPMC

prop. n.; University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, in reality a gigantic corporation almost completely unrelated to said University. Although its Pittsburgh-based chain of hospitals (usually) provides world-class care, UPMC is notorious for opposing competition, free-market capitalism, and above-minimum wage for its employees.

UPMC bought out the small-time Catholic hospital, tore down the historic building, and built a luxury office for its President in its stead.

by Col. Hans Landa August 4, 2011

sweet as fuck

adj. incredibly sweet, awesome, cool, or cetch to the point where comparability to sexual intercourse is possible.

A Hoss is usually this.

That party was sweet as fuck.

by Col. Hans Landa August 3, 2011

OCMD

Ocean City, Maryland. As opposed to OCNJ, which is not nearly at suitable for alcoholism, promiscuity, or having a good time.

OCMD 2011 never forget

by Col. Hans Landa August 3, 2011

straw poll

An extremely unorganized form of voting, usually used by self-appointed leaders when they don't have the desire to actually consider what the group wants but need to make it look like it was a majority decision.

Intramural captain: "Okay dudes, who can make it Monday to practice? Quick straw poll!" (two people out of thirty raise their hands)
Captain: "Monday it is!"
Guy #1: "90% didn't vote."
(Captain shoots Guy #1 in the face.)

by Col. Hans Landa October 4, 2011

Wilkinsburg

pron. n.; "We'll-kill-yins-burg"; a city in Pennsylvania, immediately outside of Pittsburgh's city limits. Known for being dangerously crime-infested. Has been repeatedly denied union with the City of Pittsburgh because of its awful reputation. Also has terrible public schools.

"I rode my bike through Wilkinsburg at noon and I thought I was gonna get mugged."

by Col. Hans Landa August 22, 2011