Col. Hans Landa's definitions

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

UPMC

prop. n.; University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, in reality a gigantic corporation almost completely unrelated to said University. Although its Pittsburgh-based chain of hospitals (usually) provides world-class care, UPMC is notorious for opposing competition, free-market capitalism, and above-minimum wage for its employees.

UPMC bought out the small-time Catholic hospital, tore down the historic building, and built a luxury office for its President in its stead.

by Col. Hans Landa August 4, 2011

#roadtohershey

A Twitter tag commonly used by high schoolers in Pennsylvania to refer to the success of their high school football teams. The name comes from the fact that the WPIAL Championship game is played in Hershey.

42-0 win over NA. #rollvikes #roadtohershey

Beat out by CCHS...no longer on the #roadtohershey :((

by Col. Hans Landa September 30, 2011

WPIAL

abbr.; Western Pennsylvania Interscholastic Athletic League. The organization through which high schools in Western Pennsylvania compete for dominance, with schools being divided into A ("single A"), AA ("double A"), AAA ("triple A"), or AAAA ("quad A") categories based on size.

The WPIAL champion usually contends with the EPIAL champion in the state championship contest.

Gonna see CCHS destroy the WPIAL at Heinz Field #rollvikes #roadtohershey

by Col. Hans Landa September 30, 2011

straw poll

An extremely unorganized form of voting, usually used by self-appointed leaders when they don't have the desire to actually consider what the group wants but need to make it look like it was a majority decision.

Intramural captain: "Okay dudes, who can make it Monday to practice? Quick straw poll!" (two people out of thirty raise their hands)
Captain: "Monday it is!"
Guy #1: "90% didn't vote."
(Captain shoots Guy #1 in the face.)

by Col. Hans Landa October 4, 2011

power high

n.; an elation, similar to a high, that is experienced when one finds oneself in a position of power. Usually this is because the person realizes that their arbitrary choice will have a profound effect on someone else, thus inflating their ego and sense of importance.

This phenomenon explains the arrogance of police officers, judges, congressmen, professors, and other powerful individuals.

Tom: "Dude, are you gonna ref the freshman basketball game this year?"
Joe: "You bet! I'll be getting such a power high!"

by Col. Hans Landa March 12, 2012

OCMD

Ocean City, Maryland. As opposed to OCNJ, which is not nearly at suitable for alcoholism, promiscuity, or having a good time.

OCMD 2011 never forget

by Col. Hans Landa August 3, 2011