Col. Hans Landa's definitions

Twitter tag

see hashtag. A "#" symbol used on Twitter to denote its subject material.

Facebook post: "Tix to see Kanye for 40 bux #winning"
Comment: "Stop using Twitter tags on FB, you little fuck."

by Col. Hans Landa October 3, 2011

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

UPMC

prop. n.; University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, in reality a gigantic corporation almost completely unrelated to said University. Although its Pittsburgh-based chain of hospitals (usually) provides world-class care, UPMC is notorious for opposing competition, free-market capitalism, and above-minimum wage for its employees.

UPMC bought out the small-time Catholic hospital, tore down the historic building, and built a luxury office for its President in its stead.

by Col. Hans Landa August 4, 2011

dischner syndrome

rapid, inexplicable widespread popularity followed by a long, protracted decline in social capital, terminating in universal disdain

A.: "Dude, what ever happened to Bob Applesworthy?"

B.: "Freshman year he was the shit around here. But I don't think he has any friends anymore."
A.: "Dischner syndrome."
B.: "Totally."

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013

sweet as fuck

adj. incredibly sweet, awesome, cool, or cetch to the point where comparability to sexual intercourse is possible.

A Hoss is usually this.

That party was sweet as fuck.

by Col. Hans Landa August 3, 2011

OCMD

Ocean City, Maryland. As opposed to OCNJ, which is not nearly at suitable for alcoholism, promiscuity, or having a good time.

OCMD 2011 never forget

by Col. Hans Landa August 3, 2011

straw poll

An extremely unorganized form of voting, usually used by self-appointed leaders when they don't have the desire to actually consider what the group wants but need to make it look like it was a majority decision.

Intramural captain: "Okay dudes, who can make it Monday to practice? Quick straw poll!" (two people out of thirty raise their hands)
Captain: "Monday it is!"
Guy #1: "90% didn't vote."
(Captain shoots Guy #1 in the face.)

by Col. Hans Landa October 4, 2011