Col. Hans Landa's definitions

dischner syndrome

rapid, inexplicable widespread popularity followed by a long, protracted decline in social capital, terminating in universal disdain

A.: "Dude, what ever happened to Bob Applesworthy?"

B.: "Freshman year he was the shit around here. But I don't think he has any friends anymore."
A.: "Dischner syndrome."
B.: "Totally."

by Col. Hans Landa September 13, 2013

Twitter tag

see hashtag. A "#" symbol used on Twitter to denote its subject material.

Facebook post: "Tix to see Kanye for 40 bux #winning"
Comment: "Stop using Twitter tags on FB, you little fuck."

by Col. Hans Landa October 3, 2011

Oakland, Pittsburgh

prop. n. a huge neighborhood in Pittsburgh, located in the city's East End, just east of Downtown and the Hill District. Oakland is Pittsburgh's most historic area, and is dominated by the University of Pittsburgh, Carnegie Mellon University, and several UPMC hospitals. It is also where the Carnegie Library, Phipps Conservatory, Schenely Park, and Central Catholic may be found. Oakland is incredibly diverse, ranging from the student ghetto of South Oakland to the million-dollar estates at Schenely Farms in Central Oakland.

During the school year, there are inexhaustible options of what to do in Oakland, including parties, bars, and the O. When school is out, the streets are dead.

"I live in Oakland." "Wow, just move to SF." "Not the Californian city! Geez, I live in the real Oakland -- Oakland, Pittsburgh!"

by Col. Hans Landa August 1, 2011

alpha

n. the leader of a given fraternity. Usually seen in the frat picture wearing Lacoste shorts and shirt with a Ralph Lauren sports coat, Gucci sunglasses, and holding a cat. He is usually sweet as fuck.

"Hello, welcome to the party. I am the alpha of this fraternity." "You're sweet as fuck!" "I know."

by Col. Hans Landa August 1, 2011

#roadtohershey

A Twitter tag commonly used by high schoolers in Pennsylvania to refer to the success of their high school football teams. The name comes from the fact that the WPIAL Championship game is played in Hershey.

42-0 win over NA. #rollvikes #roadtohershey

Beat out by CCHS...no longer on the #roadtohershey :((

by Col. Hans Landa September 30, 2011

bullshitspeak

a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win

Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"

by Col. Hans Landa December 30, 2011

power high

n.; an elation, similar to a high, that is experienced when one finds oneself in a position of power. Usually this is because the person realizes that their arbitrary choice will have a profound effect on someone else, thus inflating their ego and sense of importance.

This phenomenon explains the arrogance of police officers, judges, congressmen, professors, and other powerful individuals.

Tom: "Dude, are you gonna ref the freshman basketball game this year?"
Joe: "You bet! I'll be getting such a power high!"

by Col. Hans Landa March 12, 2012