Carl Willis's definitions

skateboarding is not a crime

n. The urban skater's one-line manifesto. Frequently heard blurted out by skateboarding juveniles arrested for vandalism by means of a skateboard, truancy, or marijuana use.

Strictly speaking, the act of personal locomotion on a four-wheeled board is not a crime in any jurisdiction in the United States. However, many cities have outlawed skateboarding on public edifices because it results in destructive grinding and causes injuries, the costs for both of which are borne by the taxpayer.

Furthermore, the culture associated with skateboarding youth is widely held to be a celebration of delinquency: marijuana use, rebellion against authority, truancy, and other problems are known to be prevalent in these juvenile populations. While this is no reason to discriminate against skateboarding in general, it sure doesn't help the image of the activity in the public's eye.

(A boy, about 12 years of age, with long bleached hair and extremely wide corduroy flare pants, is recklessly grinding his way down the outdoor staircase in front of Town Hall on a skateboard.)

Police Officer: "Young man, did I just see you skating down that marble staircase?"

Boy: (stares sullenly at ground) "Skateboarding is not a crime."

Officer: "Take those headphones off while I'm talking to you. Now what does that sign say right there?"

Sign: "Skateboarding on Town Hall property is subject to max. fine of $250 or 90 days in jail by order of City Rev. Code 08-2776."

Boy (fidgeting): "I dunno. Skateboarding is not a crime."

Officer: "And what's this? Did I just see a dime bag fall out of your pocket?"

Boy (crying): "Skateboarding is not a crime."

by Carl Willis October 12, 2004

ghettify

v. (from ghetto)

1. To allow or promote degeneration of a community, through the efflux of the middle class and legitimate business and the influx of a culture of poverty, crime, low ambition, shiftlessness, and bling. Opposite of "gentrify."

2. To modify a possession such as a car or sound system to reflect the styles of the aforementioned "ghetto culture."

1. "By 1972, the Crips had thoroughly ghettified Compton and all vestiges of the working population had fled west."

2. Shameel proceeded to ghettify his Honda Civic, adding platinum rims, a spoiler, a 500-watt subwoofer, and a custom paint job done by his dawg Kumar in exchange for "summa dat white stuff".

by Carl Willis February 12, 2005

hole hair

n. Hair immediately surrounding the anus of a domestic animal. Generally it is recommended that your pet's long and obtrusive hole hair be trimmed for hygienic reasons. Faeces has a tendency to accrete in unkempt hole hair, giving rise to unwelcome odors and a stiff mat of infectious wormy filth lining the animal's crotch.

After an especially challenging bout of diarrhoeia, we burned off Fido's crusty hole hair with a lighter.

by Carl Willis August 29, 2005

the white stuff

n. (1) Cocaine, particularly the fine powder of higher purity that is preferred for snorting by the wealthy. However, it CAN sometimes refer to crack rock in the ghetto.

(2) The mixture of partially hydrogenated, synthetic, spun fats and corn sweeteners that constitutes the standard filling in an Oreo cookie.

Her friends always knew that Courtney Love had a predilection for the white stuff.



Cop: Do you have anything on you that I need to know about?

Demetrius: Naw man, we doin' it all proper this time...NAW, whatchu wanna look in there for, man...SHIT that ain'tcho bidness man...

Cop: What's this? (pulls out a sack of crack rocks.)

Demetrius: (Sigh) That's the white stuff, just a little. I'm sorry officah. I ain't never gonna...

Cop: Looks more yellow that white. Did you cook this up, Demetrius? Be honest with me now.

Demetrius: Yessah. Mostly bakin' soda an' some chalk an' some Rat-B-Gone. I'm really sorry officah. I ain't ever gonna...

Cop: (Puts "Big D" into cruiser.) Watch your head there son.

by Carl Willis August 26, 2004

klucker

n. (Klux + -er): 1. A member of the Ku Klux Klan. 2. Used pejoratively, a white American who is perceived to be bigoted, particularly in matters of black / white racial integration.

Look at that old klucker up on the courthouse steps, bawling his head off about "them nigras."

by Carl Willis May 13, 2005

grizzle

v. To cook something on a grill.
n. (1) A grill (can be used to mean a person's face).
(2) "grass" (marijuana).

You got the wings? Let's grizzle that shiznit!

1. Fo' real nizzle, why you always got 2B up in ma grizzle?

2. Antwan be bluntin' some grizzle and the 5-0 roll up on his ass.

by Carl Willis February 7, 2004

trow

v. fr. throw To provide one with a beat-down.

Hernando gonna trow you a beat-down.

by Carl Willis November 4, 2003