Carl Willis's definitions

hole hair

n. Hair immediately surrounding the anus of a domestic animal. Generally it is recommended that your pet's long and obtrusive hole hair be trimmed for hygienic reasons. Faeces has a tendency to accrete in unkempt hole hair, giving rise to unwelcome odors and a stiff mat of infectious wormy filth lining the animal's crotch.

After an especially challenging bout of diarrhoeia, we burned off Fido's crusty hole hair with a lighter.

by Carl Willis August 29, 2005

klucker

n. (Klux + -er): 1. A member of the Ku Klux Klan. 2. Used pejoratively, a white American who is perceived to be bigoted, particularly in matters of black / white racial integration.

Look at that old klucker up on the courthouse steps, bawling his head off about "them nigras."

by Carl Willis May 13, 2005

neckitude

n. The propensity to exhibit attitudes, behaviors, or mannerisms associated with the common redneck(Ignoramus americanus).

"On the drive over here, a trucker on the Interstate hurled a beer can full of urine out his window--talk about sheer neckitude!"

"Crikey, this breeding-age male specimen is just bristling with neckitude kids! You can tell just by looking that he was born and raised in West Texas, attends a Creationist Baptist church, and voted for Dubya. The plumage is another feature we should not ignore: note the mullet and the Confederate battle flag on his trucker hat. Awwww, I think th' bloody brute's got a shotgun! Let's get away before he tries to defend his territory."

by Carl Willis December 12, 2005

slumming

n. The act of touring through the poor side of town to gawk and make fun of the inhabitants there, usually with a group of one's friends. Notably an activity of insecure rich white kids.

Matt: Hey Jimmie, you wanna cut out after school in my dad's Hummer and do some slumming?

Jim: Hell yeah! I love knowing that there's plenty of trash out there to keep the burgers flippin'.

by Carl Willis July 22, 2004

differently abled

adj. Politically correct 1990s euphemism meaning "disabled". Contrary to what the words may suggest, "differently abled" does NOT mean "having different abilities;" more precisely it means "lacking expected abilities." Since mental disability is generally associated with much more social stigma than physical disability (and hence is ripe for being described by a "sensitive" PC vocabulary), "differently abled" is most frequently encountered in similar contexts as "special". With this in mind, persons of non-retarded status should construe the phrase as a deep insult.

What the teacher thinks: "Goddamn, that was funny! Why do they insist on mainstreaming these plainly retarded kids...they're so distracting to my class..."

What the teacher says: "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves for laughing when our differently abled peers gave their fine interpretation of Hamlet."

by Carl Willis January 18, 2005

I'ma

Contraction of "I'm gonna," itself a contraction of "I am going to." A common element in Ebonics dialogue.

"You just watch me girl, 'cause I'ma bounce dat nigga right out da do'!"

by Carl Willis October 31, 2005

physics package

n. (Military jargon) The essential workings of a nuclear or thermonuclear weapon. The "physics package" is designed by scientists at a weapons lab and comprises all the nuclear reactants used in the device, such as plutonium, lithium deuteride, etc. The military then decides how to deploy it (missiles, bombs, backpacks).

Military weaponeer: "The B-66A is an advanced, bunker-busting, anti-raghead weapon that is based on the Los Alamos E-1337 physics package. The guidance system uses a special neural network code to identify and deliver the device against brown-skinned persons of the Muslim persuasion..."

Dick Cheney: (Evil grin) "We're pleased with your rapid progress. The so-called "Ramadan" starts next month!"

by Carl Willis October 17, 2004