Carl Willis's definitions

Tollbooth on the highway of education

n. Popular and well-earned nickname for the ETS (Educational Testing Service), who produces and sells the GRE and SAT assessment tests. This parasite hauls in more than $0.6 billion in student money every year from its illegal monopoly on the testing market.

Every high school and college student in the country has to throw some big cash to ETS, the tollbooth on the highway of education. If a student doesn't pay his toll, he is usually shitcanned and forced to slave away at a McJob for the rest of his life.

by Carl Willis May 21, 2004

I'ma

Contraction of "I'm gonna," itself a contraction of "I am going to." A common element in Ebonics dialogue.

"You just watch me girl, 'cause I'ma bounce dat nigga right out da do'!"

by Carl Willis October 31, 2005

physics package

n. (Military jargon) The essential workings of a nuclear or thermonuclear weapon. The "physics package" is designed by scientists at a weapons lab and comprises all the nuclear reactants used in the device, such as plutonium, lithium deuteride, etc. The military then decides how to deploy it (missiles, bombs, backpacks).

Military weaponeer: "The B-66A is an advanced, bunker-busting, anti-raghead weapon that is based on the Los Alamos E-1337 physics package. The guidance system uses a special neural network code to identify and deliver the device against brown-skinned persons of the Muslim persuasion..."

Dick Cheney: (Evil grin) "We're pleased with your rapid progress. The so-called "Ramadan" starts next month!"

by Carl Willis October 17, 2004

supersize

V. To make larger, usu. in the context of a takeout order placed with a dining establishment.

Adj. Larger than expected, necessary, or appropriate.

Fast food clerk: What can I get you today?

John Q. Lardass: I'll have a triple bacon cheeseburger, supersize that please...two Biggie Fries, supersize of course, a two-liter Coke...a supersize chocolate shake....




Southwest Airlines clerk: What can I do for you?

John Q. Lardass: I need a ticket to Dallas.

Clerk: That will be one supersize ticket to Dallas, $850 please.

John Q. Lardass: What!!?

Clerk: Sir, customers must pay for all the seats they occupy. I see you are still gorging on your supersize fries, so don't try that "glandular disorder" crap with us today. Take some goddamn personal responsibility.

by Carl Willis August 4, 2004

gallows bird

n. A defendant who is certain to be condemned to death with no chance of pardon or reprieve.

"Down here in Macomb, Alabama, we knowed that nigra-boy Tom Robinson was a gallows bird 'fore the trial even got started."




(Two lawyers at lunch)
Lawyer #1: Let's see, we have Alan Lee Davis for kidnapping and murder first degree, LaShawndra Simmons for distributing crack rock, and BraNell Wallace for grand theft of some rims, apparently.

Lawyer #2: We shouldn't take Davis. Let's be honest--he's a gallows bird. Folks hate him and the DA has an open-and-shut case.

by Carl Willis December 2, 2004

penis extension

n. Colloquialism referring to the Hummer H2 SUV. It is an established fact that feelings of inadequacy contribute to the purchasing, driving, and flaunting of one's Hummer.

Brad W., a 24-year-old jock who has trouble charming the ladies with his drunken partying, got his dad to buy him a brand-new yellow and chrome penis extension from the local GM dealer. Way to go Brad.

by Carl Willis July 26, 2004

skateboard

n. A four-wheeled board used for personal transportation, and as an instrument for denting railings, grinding stairways, chipping benches, and committing other acts of vandalism against public property.

"You get that skateboard off of my property, you filthy little pot-smoking delinquent! Or I'll call your mama up so she can give you a spanking!"

by Carl Willis October 12, 2004