CPT Ron's definitions

Simpanzee

A simp, but to a huge degree. Millennial or Zoomer who thinks he can nice guy his way into women’s pants, then gets all enraged when it doesn’t work because woman don’t actually like simps. The simpanzee is significantly worse than a simp in degree.

Look at my man buying his “best female friend” dinner again so he can not close with her. My man is a simpanzee.

by CPT Ron July 21, 2024

Offendopotamus

Noun. A person who makes a great display, either physical or verbal, of constantly being offended by very small things. Normally found in an urban area of the United States. Common offendopotamus behavior includes complaining about the temperature of their 4 dollar ethically sourced coffee, the quality of their 90 dollar steak, or how every Halloween costume is somehow racist, sexist, ableist, deist, etc.

I'm trying to get through the line at the coffee shop and this offendopotamus keeps holding up the line by demanding that the soy milk be heated to 160 degrees before it is put into her latte.

by CPT Ron November 3, 2017

weiner lump

The obvious lump exhibited by a man who wears tight or thin pants with no underwear.

"Man...that dirt hippie is wearing camping pants with no underwear. Would you look at that weiner lump? It is a like a leather sack full of nickels."

by CPT Ron October 12, 2013

Cover Down

This is a military term for aligning yourself in formation with the person in front of you, so that when viewed from the front of a formation you all are covered and aligned correctly.

In the vernacular, to cover down means to get someone's back when they fuck up.

Example: "Where is Jones, why isn't he here?"

"He's at dental sergeant."

That's covering down.

When your wife drinks too much, you cover down on that shit, hold her hair out of the toilet, and tell nobody about it.

by CPT Ron May 25, 2020

Exdubitably

Without doubt, though to a greater degree than indubitably.

“That was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Exdubitably.”

by CPT Ron October 7, 2019

Dunkaroo

A dunkaroo is a sexual maneuver whereby a male of the species holds a woman of the species firmly by the hair. The male then penetrates said female anally for a undetermined period of time. The male then, while keeping control of the hair (this is important), scampers around the side of the women and places his penis in the woman's mouth while making a stirring motion with his hips. This is the dunkaroo.

"Do you see that filthy hosebeast over there by the keg? Last month at the Halloween party I dressed up like a kangaroo and did the dunkaroo on her. She got that booty mouth while dressed like a slutty Tinkerbell."

by CPT Ron February 17, 2021

House on stilts

A house on stilts is a woman with a massive torso connected to two spindly, spider-like legs. She is the human personification of Baba Yagga's hut. She has the legs of a marathon runner and the upper body of a big fat sloppy American woman.

"Man, Maria is a real house on stilts. Look at the size of that chick's tiny legs! How do her legs even hold up that much bulk?"

by CPT Ron October 12, 2013