Boxcar Bob's definitions

Los Angeles Kers

New name for the Los Angeles Lakers of the NBA since half their team is out due to injuries. Mike D'Antoni is fully to blame for enforcing a fast-paced offense on aging players and not giving them enough rest time which has weakened their bodies significantly and increased their vulnerability to injury. As a result, they are no longer a complete team, and their team name should not be complete either. Finally, L.A. Kers, still spells out the original team name, which also shows how broken up the former Lakers have become.

L.A. Kers fan: The Lakers have lost 22 out of their 27 last games. I can't believe it.
L.A. Clippers fan: Don't you mean the Los Angeles Kers? Half their team is gone due to injuries. Soon they'll have less than 5 healthy players and will become the first NBA team in history not able to finish the regular season.
L.A. Kers fan: You're right! Why are they called the Lakers anyway if they live in an arid climate?

by Boxcar Bob February 18, 2014

moronavirus

A virus related to COVID-19 that affects both sides of the political spectrum. Symptoms are either intense overreaction or extreme ignorance.

Moronavirus patient #1: How dare you step outside your house. We need to keep locked down until we find a vaccine.
Response: Really? Do you realize over 25% of the population could die from poverty, stress, or suicide if we do that?
Moronavirus patient #2: COVID-19 is a hoax. Let's go out and party, party, party.
Response: What's wrong with you? My friend died of COVID-19. Do you want to keep us shut down forever and get orher people sick?

by Boxcar Bob May 26, 2020

ANSI

Association of Noteworthy Standards Ignorance - so called because developers of technology don't understand the true meaning (American National Standards Institute) and refuse to implement their rules. This causes nightmares for other developers, especially with different database vendors and programming language implementations.

The programmer spent many unproductive weeks and experienced various nightmares converting the large e-commerce application to use Oracle instead of SQL Server after his firm decided to switch vendors. Since neither implementation of SQL adheres to the ANSI standards, problems can be expected to keep coming in the future.

by Boxcar Bob March 1, 2007

job interview

A process in which arrogant recruiters deny themselves the benefits of many talented, capable, candidates due to an unfair screening process that in absolutely no way reflects the everyday job situation or assesses the skills required to succeed.

A talented person who had produced major growth in his previous company and had 5 years of experience in C# got a rejection after a job interview in which the recruiter said he was not skilled enough to do the job. This was because they asked questions on language concepts that are rarely used in C# and gave a brainteaser algorithm to code up in a 15 minute time limit without a compiler or computer.

by Boxcar Bob April 28, 2008

Blair Johnson

A blah guy who sometimes fills in for supermodel hottie Ashley Russell on Yahoo Sports Minute and Rivals Minute.
When he fills in, it is a major disappointment for many, including non-sports fans, who watch the videos solely to admire and drool over the sexy blonde.

The young man opened up Rivals Minute one morning, prepared to enjoy the stunning beauty of Ashley Russell, only to find that Blair Johnson was filling in for her. "I hate when that guy fills in for her", he said. "How dare she take a day off?"

by Boxcar Bob July 3, 2009

tech suckport

English inproficient people, most of who are from China and India, that you must call when you are experiencing errors that make a software product unusable. If you can get a person that can speak some slight resemblance of the English language, consider yourself very lucky. Even then 99% percent of the time they will not be of any help whatsoever, and cause further confusion and even more errors.

Bob: This program is not working. Why don't I call Tech Support?
Joe: You mean Tech Suckport.
Bob: Yes
(Bob picks up the phone and dials the number for Tech Suckport)

Tech Suckport: Yellow. Meecrosof Tack Supaut. Ho ceen I hail yu?
Bob: Hello, I'm having this problem with source control in VSS 2005.
Tech Suckport: Wayt? Ee cent har ya?
Bob: Do you know how to speak Engllsh?
Tech Suckport: Ee don eendursta yo? Yo ned tack lauder.
Bob: I said DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH?
Tech Suckport: Aa. Ingle. I spek vahy god Ingle.
Bob: OK, can you please help me with my problem?
Tech Suckport: Yue prubleeme? Wat prubleeme ees. Plece tai me mah detuh. Ees prubleeme fatulleruh?
Bob: My problem is with Visual Source Safe. Yes it's a fatal error.
Tech Suckport: Oh Visah Sauce Saf. I don no no Sauce Saf. Eys nat mee specsalty. I well geetcowolka huno Sauch Saf.
Bob: Can your coworker speak English?
Tech Suckport: Oh yays. He takeen Eeassellcaws een skull. He leerning god Anglees een Eeassellcaws. I git hem no.
Bob: Never mind. It's hopeless.
Tech Suckport: No eederstend yu senteez. Pless repit.
(Bob slams down the phone)

by Boxcar Bob August 2, 2007

June Gloom

Extremely annoying late spring to early summer (and sometimes all summer long) weather phenomenon in coastal Southern California that causes relentless, damp, dreary, miserable weather with drizzle and fog for weeks without end at the beaches. It sometimes spreads into the mountains. This shocks tourists who come to 'sunny Southern California' to instead find themselves in Alaska. It spoils beach days a'plenty and for most locals is the most dreaded time of the year. Number 1 cause for Seasonal Affective Disorder in Southern California. A.k.a. May Gray.

Tourist from East Coast: We're going to sunny Southern California to celebrate Memorial Day and the start of summer.
(Tourist arrives in San Diego)
Tourist: What's up with this stupid weather. Where is the sun?
Local: This is our June Gloom. We've just entered into winter in San Diego. You'll be very lucky if you see the sun at all the next month.

by Boxcar Bob June 12, 2007