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Boxcar Bob's definitions

car alarm

A device which insecure people waste money on because they are afraid their sacred, shiny cars will be stolen. Since about 99.9% of car alarms are false alarms, however, the owners eventually forget why they got the alarm in the first place, and get used to their cars crying wolf after a few occurrences.

Occasionally this will encourage angry neighbors to do whatever they can to put themselves and these useless devices out of their misery. This may include vandalizing the offending cars until they can disarm the screeching, honking, blaring whiners. Therefore, car alarms actually lead to more damage than good, and are one of the most foolish inventions in the history of mankind.
For the fiftieth time in two weeks, the car alarm went off triggered by a bird who perched itself on the trunk, which caused a neighbor to get a baton and whack the offending automobile until he was able to get to the alarm and break it in two. Five minutes later, as the commercial break arrived during the action thriller movie, the car owner came out. Suddenly he realized that the alarm he had originally came to stop was no longer blaring away. He then saw the damage to his precious luxury and fainted.
by Boxcar Bob February 24, 2008
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August school

The process of starting the regular school year in August. School used to start in September (after Labor Day) until some fanatical teachers decided that maybe it'd be a good idea to start school before Labor Day. Many inconsiderate, unloving parents agreed with these wicked teachers and it wasn't long before the crimes started being committed all over the United States. Now some schools begin as early as the first week of August.
Kid #1: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Kid #2: What's the problem?
Kid #1: School starts tomorrow, August 9, and it's back to homework, tests, and torture! And it's 100 degrees outside and they have no A.C.
Kid #2: I don't know which is worse - Saturday school, summer school, or August school!
Kid #1: August school (good name) is the worst!
Kid #2: My school still starts in September. Poor you!
by Boxcar Bob October 17, 2008
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mockingbird

A bird who never sleeps, imitates other birds and animals, car horns, and whatnot, and doesn't shut up all night long, just because it is looking for a mate.

They can be recognized by their song: 'Chirrup chirrup chirrup tweet tweet tweet beep beep beep twirrup twirrup twirrup weet weet weet honk honk honk cheep cheep cheep bereep bereep bereep ...'
After being kept awake for 10 nights by the non-stop singing of the stupid mockingbird in the tree outside my bedroom, I lit up a stick of dynamite to blow up the tree and kill the annoying critter for good.
by Boxcar Bob November 5, 2006
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ANSI

Association of Noteworthy Standards Ignorance - so called because developers of technology don't understand the true meaning (American National Standards Institute) and refuse to implement their rules. This causes nightmares for other developers, especially with different database vendors and programming language implementations.
The programmer spent many unproductive weeks and experienced various nightmares converting the large e-commerce application to use Oracle instead of SQL Server after his firm decided to switch vendors. Since neither implementation of SQL adheres to the ANSI standards, problems can be expected to keep coming in the future.
by Boxcar Bob March 1, 2007
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cartorcycle

A noisy car that sounds exactly like a loud motorcycle.
VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM VROOM! Arggh! It's another noisy motorcycle, I mean car, I mean cartorcycle. Obviously the douchebag driver wants some attention as he think he's really cool.
by Boxcar Bob July 28, 2019
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cancer session

Time spent smoking a cigarette. So called because cigarettes cause cancer.
The employee stood for ten minutes outside in the rain, wind, and hail, missing an important phone call. Then he returned from his cancer session, in which he satisfied his nicotine craving.
by Boxcar Bob January 11, 2009
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job interview

A process in which arrogant recruiters deny themselves the benefits of many talented, capable, candidates due to an unfair screening process that in absolutely no way reflects the everyday job situation or assesses the skills required to succeed.
A talented person who had produced major growth in his previous company and had 5 years of experience in C# got a rejection after a job interview in which the recruiter said he was not skilled enough to do the job. This was because they asked questions on language concepts that are rarely used in C# and gave a brainteaser algorithm to code up in a 15 minute time limit without a compiler or computer.
by Boxcar Bob April 28, 2008
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