BillieJeanIsNotMyLover's definitions

Grandpa Joe

Someone who fakes polio until there's something better to do.

Also, a character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who was bed-ridden until his grandson won a trip to a slave-run chocolate underworld.

My girlfriend is a Grandpa Joe because she plays sick whenever I want to have sex.

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover May 25, 2018

Reason

A justification to yourself for a bad decision.

I want to get blackout on a Tuesday but I'll need a reason first. . .

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover May 25, 2018

The Constitution

A magical document that always agrees with you.

You can't charge $14 for movie popcorn because the Constitution says so!

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover May 25, 2018

diddly squat

diddly squat ain’t but nuthin’ at all

I had DIDDLY SQUAT to do with selling all that gay pornography to those terrorists!

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover August 19, 2019

on the take

Getting paid for one’s role in fraud or corruption.

The entire state of Louisiana is on the take.

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover April 14, 2019

Texas Hold ‘Em

The superior form of poker: each player is dealt 2 cards, face down. A round of betting ensues. Then 3 cards are dealt in the middle of the table, face up. Bet. Another card in the middle. Bet. Again. Bet. Your hand is not required to include the initial facedown cards and standard poker rules apply.

If a winner fails to shout “yee-haw” before grabbing her chips, she mist shout 5 “the starts at night are big and bright,” each followed by 5 short claps of the hands and a joyous “DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!”

Anyone who forgets the Alamo must be shot.

Let’s play Texas Hold ‘Em

by BillieJeanIsNotMyLover July 16, 2019