Al Benedict's definitions
1) A hard piece of shit that is starting to emerge from between your cheeks before you get to the toilet.
2) A notoriously bad, self indulgent film by Vincent Gallo.
2) A notoriously bad, self indulgent film by Vincent Gallo.
Bob: (Bangs on stall door) "Hurry up! I've got a Brown Bunny here!"
Bill: "OK, OK" (Leaves stall)
Bob: "Thanks!" (Grabs cans of film and rushes in. Seconds later, a flushing sound is heard)
Bob: "Ahhh... That's much better." (Emerges with now empty film cans).
Bill: "OK, OK" (Leaves stall)
Bob: "Thanks!" (Grabs cans of film and rushes in. Seconds later, a flushing sound is heard)
Bob: "Ahhh... That's much better." (Emerges with now empty film cans).
by Al Benedict August 18, 2009
Get the Brown Bunny mug.A phone call in which you choose your words carefully in an attempt to maintain a coherent conversation with the person on the end of the line while giving a completely different impression of what the conversation is about to anyone standing next to you. Usually involves more than the usual number of pronouns.
From "Tuvan Throat Singing", where you sing two different notes at once.
From "Tuvan Throat Singing", where you sing two different notes at once.
I had a Tuvan Phone Call last night with my girlfriend. We went on for half an hour and my Grandma had no idea we were having phone sex.
by Al Benedict April 17, 2010
Get the Tuvan Phone Call mug.A phrase used by someone who wants any critical analysis of what they are saying to stop immediately.
by Al Benedict June 11, 2009
Get the Common Sense mug.When something malfunctions by virtue of not existing at all. Taken (but not precisely) from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". In the original usage, a spaceship existed for a while and then spontaneously disappeared.
by Al Benedict October 22, 2009
Get the Total Existence Failure mug.Setting up your house to ward off long term ninja infestations. It's considered impossible to keep ninjas out entirely. In fact, attempting to do so can attract their attention and just make the problem worse.
1) Coat the walls and ceilings with steel backed teflon. If the steel isn't thick enough, they can still use their claws. Make sure it's at least a 1/4 inch thick.
2) Install random rotating magnets. This makes it difficult to throw shurikens accurately.
3) Set up a DVD of old "Kung Fu" reruns in infinite reply. Warning: This may cause Seppuku incidents, which are really messy. Take my word on it. Spread plastic in front of the TV.
Avoid using pirates. I know it's tempting, but they're worse than ninjas (really loud and smelly and treasure chests are hard to find).
1) Coat the walls and ceilings with steel backed teflon. If the steel isn't thick enough, they can still use their claws. Make sure it's at least a 1/4 inch thick.
2) Install random rotating magnets. This makes it difficult to throw shurikens accurately.
3) Set up a DVD of old "Kung Fu" reruns in infinite reply. Warning: This may cause Seppuku incidents, which are really messy. Take my word on it. Spread plastic in front of the TV.
Avoid using pirates. I know it's tempting, but they're worse than ninjas (really loud and smelly and treasure chests are hard to find).
by Al Benedict December 3, 2010
Get the Ninja Proofing mug.Are you Oneing the two in there?
Well, it's not like I have choice. You threw out the brush.
It was gross
Well, it's not like I have choice. You threw out the brush.
It was gross
by Al Benedict October 7, 2010
Get the Oneing the two mug.Trying to a explain something that's very complex to someone that doesn't understand the basic fundamentals the thing you are explaining is based on.
I tried to explain it to him, but he kept asking the same non sequitur questions over and over. I felt like I was showing card tricks to a dog.
by Al Benedict November 14, 2010
Get the Showing card tricks to a dog mug.