AKACroatalin's definitions

Fart Fact 13

Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.

“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”

by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019

Swinson’s Law

One step on from Malcolm’s Law, Swinson’s Law states that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong, in the worst possible way, at the worst possible time and will all sorts of unforeseen and unpleasant fallout effects. Named after Jo Swinson who appeared from political obscurity in UK as Leader of the Liberal Democrats and announced that if she got into power she would reverse the decision to leave the European Union in contravention of the will of the British people, not very liberal or democratic. A rather silly woman who would be out of her depth in a car park puddle.

“Malcolm says he just loves Jo Swinson and hopes she gets into power.”
“No surprise there, Swinson’s law compared to Malcolm's law makes him look good.”

by AKACroatalin November 3, 2019

Fart Fact 14

This is the very last one in the series but every single one of them is true! This one tells you that farting isn't rude or disgusting. It may seem that way because they usually smell bad, but it's just something a healthy human body does, a normal by-product of your body digesting food, so if you need to let one go, do it and if anyone objects fuck ‘em.

“Mikey let rip in class, teacher called him on it, so he explained fart Fact 14 to her and suggested if she was worried she should see her doctor. I nearly bust a gut trying not to laugh.”

by AKACroatalin November 3, 2019