AKACroatalin's definitions

Snot Splatter

This happens when you have a severe cold or nasal infection. Your last tissue has disintegrated, your handkerchief is a congealed lump, which should be incinerated to avoid it becoming a hazard to public health, and your nose is blocking up. There is nothing for it but to blow your nose the old-fashioned way. This consists in closing each nostril in turn, with a finger, and snorting vigorously out through the other. The product of this exercise is a snot splatter. Although snot may be a misnomer as the product is usually a mixture of snot, pus and airborne detritus that makes the faecal emissions of a diseased crow’s arse seem positively pleasant in comparison.
It can also be used as a noun to describe the sort of person whose presence makes people instinctively shrink away from them, leave the room as quickly as possible to go through a complete biological decontamination routine.

I snorted out a really noxious snot splatter yesterday; I watched it for a bit to see if it moved, I think it did.

by AKACroatalin April 19, 2015

All talk and no action

All talk and no action is a description that can be applied to the chattering classes, certain politicians, incompetent managers, just about anyone who talks a lot, usually rubbish or irrelevancies, about a problem or situation but does sod all to resolve it. It can also be applied to males or females who talk a lot about sex, but when it comes down to getting physical run a mile

“How did you get on with that bird from HR last night?”
“Waste of time, all talk and no action.”

by AKACroatalin June 9, 2015

Rectalgia

Rectalgia is a medical term meaning a pain in the rectum. You can see where this is going, it can be usefully applied to people who are a pain in the arse, you know the WOSPs, Malcolms and fuckwits of the world. See also pygalgia.

There are some people whose mere existence causes acute rectalgia.

by AKACroatalin February 23, 2017

Spite Monkey Niggler

Possibly the worst sort of spite monkey, can be male or female, who is a complete Malcolm, that is petty, vindictive and unpleasant. The females take princess syndrome to a whole new level while the males (if you can call them that) are shit eating brown nosers. The things they do cause problems for other people or are totally pointless, serving no purpose whatsoever except to feed their self-centred vanity. Typical of the pointless, stupid things that they do, is to vote against the top definition in Urban Dictionary just because it is the top definition. They are a stone in the shoe of humanity and should be neutered to prevent any possibility of them breeding, that or sent to a far distant galaxy.

Anyone who votes against top definitions simply because they are top definitions is nothing but shit for brains spite monkey niggler.

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2016

YFIYFI

Sometimes written as YFIx2 it is an acronym standing for “You Fucked It You Fix It” meaning it’s your mistake so you sort it out. Believed to have originated with the Royal Navy, it is used in the same way as SOYOS or SYSO.

“Malcolm came to me moaning that he’d jammed the photocopier.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, I just told him YFIYFI.”

by AKACroatalin August 1, 2015

Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

Adjustable

Adjustable means having the facility to be changed so as to match or fit, such as an adjustable spanner. It can also mean capable of being regulated, such as adjustable interest rates.

Adjustable office chairs means one size does fit all.

by AKACroatalin May 31, 2015