AKACroatalin's definitions

Po-faced

Po-faced means having an assumed solemn, serious, or earnest expression or manner; piously or hypocritically solemn. It can also mean expressionless or emotionless, perhaps derived from poker face meaning the ability to avoid showing any reaction to the cards you have been dealt.

When he tries to tell you where you’ve gone wrong, he can be such a po-faced twat.
I was playing cards with the lads last night, couldn’t read Charlie at all, totally po-faced.

by AKACroatalin June 19, 2015

Mistletoe

Most people think of mistletoe as being romantic, but it isn’t, not really. The name derives from mistletan, which means a twig of mistle; the seeds of the plant are propagated through the excrement of birds, notably the mistle thrush. If you now take account that the old Germanic word ‘mist’ means shit or dung, mistletoe’s name translates as ‘shit plant’.

I’ll never see mistletoe in quite the same way ever again.

by AKACroatalin January 8, 2017

Trampoosing

Walking with extreme difficulty due to the prevailing conditions underfoot. Having to expend large amounts of energy walking through deep snow or heavy mud.

We’ll be trampoosing, the snow’s waist deep.

by AKACroatalin January 8, 2017

Snotrag

A handkerchief or tissue. It is usually applied to a handkerchief or tissue that has been used and when examined the contents make you want to puke and you wonder whether you might have snorted out brain matter, as the product is foul, disgusting and should be classed as a biohazard. The word can be used to describe someone who has the same effect on people, a vile creature who makes the skin crawl and whose presence makes falling face first into a gangrenous cowpat seem positively pleasant in comparison.

“That snotrag should be burned!”
“Handkerchief or person?”
“Yes.”

by AKACroatalin June 11, 2015

Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

YFIYFI

Sometimes written as YFIx2 it is an acronym standing for “You Fucked It You Fix It” meaning it’s your mistake so you sort it out. Believed to have originated with the Royal Navy, it is used in the same way as SOYOS or SYSO.

“Malcolm came to me moaning that he’d jammed the photocopier.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, I just told him YFIYFI.”

by AKACroatalin August 1, 2015

Fart Fact 2

Only 1% of your fart actually smells! Even that little SBD you sneaked out that had everyone in the room wondering if the sewage works had broken down, even that was 99% of that was odourless gases like carbon dioxide, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, and methane. The 1% that smells is hydrogen sulphide and when you consider just how bad farts can smell it should come as no surprise that hydrogen sulphide is poisonous. It was even considered as a poison gas during WW1 but was too easily detected (the smell, of course).

“Malcolm’s just caused a major pollution event.”
“Let another one go has he?”
“He must be producing more than 1%, it’s contradicting Fart Fact 2!”

by AKACroatalin October 27, 2019