AKACroatalin's definitions

Snot Splatter

This happens when you have a severe cold or nasal infection. Your last tissue has disintegrated, your handkerchief is a congealed lump, which should be incinerated to avoid it becoming a hazard to public health, and your nose is blocking up. There is nothing for it but to blow your nose the old-fashioned way. This consists in closing each nostril in turn, with a finger, and snorting vigorously out through the other. The product of this exercise is a snot splatter. Although snot may be a misnomer as the product is usually a mixture of snot, pus and airborne detritus that makes the faecal emissions of a diseased crow’s arse seem positively pleasant in comparison.
It can also be used as a noun to describe the sort of person whose presence makes people instinctively shrink away from them, leave the room as quickly as possible to go through a complete biological decontamination routine.

I snorted out a really noxious snot splatter yesterday; I watched it for a bit to see if it moved, I think it did.

by AKACroatalin April 19, 2015

Unenthusiastic

It’s an adjective and it means not having or lacking enthusiasm. If someone is unenthusiastic about something it means they are feeling indifferent, apathetic, passive, phlegmatic, lukewarm, listless, languid, lethargic, emotionless, perfunctory about it.

I’m unenthusiastic about having Malcolm on the team.

by AKACroatalin March 24, 2017

WOFS

English acronym standing for Waste Of Fucking Space. Can be Waste Of Flipping Space if you want to be a bit more polite but is used to describe people who are just that. The ones that seem to have no useful contribution to make to the human race or anything else and make you wonder just where evolution went wrong.

"Malcolm's just been sat on his ass all day, hasn't done a fucking thing except feed his face and drink tea. He hasn't so much as lifted a finger even though the rest of us are run ragged."
"What a WOFS!"

by AKACroatalin March 13, 2015

Traffic Jam

This is sometimes found in supermarkets where someone, usually female, with an arse so enormous it makes the average two-seater look small, shoving a trolley piled high with junk food, suddenly stops. This may be because she’s suddenly gone AWTF or it could be because she’s trying to decide whether to have ten or twelve krispy kremes to help her recover from all this strenuous shopping. She blocks the aisle, traffic builds up behind and in front of her, the fat cow is deaf to polite requests to move or even, “Get out of the way you fucking mammoth!” The result is gridlock and it usually takes half an hour and several members of staff to get things sorted out. See also Road Block.

“I was shopping in ASDA and got caught in a traffic jam.”
“What did you do?”
“Dumped the trolley and went to TESCO.”

by AKACroatalin August 15, 2016

Rectalgia

Rectalgia is a medical term meaning a pain in the rectum. You can see where this is going, it can be usefully applied to people who are a pain in the arse, you know the WOSPs, Malcolms and fuckwits of the world. See also pygalgia.

There are some people whose mere existence causes acute rectalgia.

by AKACroatalin February 23, 2017

All talk and no action

All talk and no action is a description that can be applied to the chattering classes, certain politicians, incompetent managers, just about anyone who talks a lot, usually rubbish or irrelevancies, about a problem or situation but does sod all to resolve it. It can also be applied to males or females who talk a lot about sex, but when it comes down to getting physical run a mile

“How did you get on with that bird from HR last night?”
“Waste of time, all talk and no action.”

by AKACroatalin June 9, 2015

Fart Fact 10

This is a fact, not wishful thinking. If you’re a woman, a fart can really take you by surprise. One woman took to Social Media to ponder something strange that happened to her when she farted. She asked the question "Do you ever fart and the fart goes past your vagina and your labia moves?" She had hundreds of responses from women who had experienced this phenomenon which, apparently, is called a vart.

“Kim’s just let go a vart.”
“How do you know?”
“Her snatch wobbled, Fart Fact 10.”

by AKACroatalin October 30, 2019