AKACroatalin's definitions

Did you know

Although phrased as the start of a question, it is actually an introduction from somebody who wants to impart information. It’s used quite a lot by some teachers but it usually comes from somebody who wants bore your arse off telling you things you don’t need to know, don’t want o know and which are less interesting than the sex lives of Venusian bacteria. It’s usually impossible to get away without committing murder unless you can comeback with something that stops them in their tracks and allows you to escape.

Did you know that if you rearrange the letters of “Happy Christmas” you get “Crappy Shitmash”?
Yes, and if you rearrange “Merry Christmas” you get “Mr Mrs Itchyarse”.

by AKACroatalin April 24, 2015

Fartleberry

Although usually meaning a small piece of excrement attached to the hairs of your arse, sometimes known as a Clingon, it can also mean someone who is a minor, smelly, unpleasant nuisance that is sometimes difficult to get rid of.

"Malcolm is monopolising the vending machine again, no-one can get him to move."
"God! what a fartleberry!"

by AKACroatalin March 12, 2015

BVA

This is an acronym often used to describe hospital patients who are aggressive, unpleasant, repulsive, demanding, disgustingly rude or anything else that makes them a total pain in the arse. Believed to have originated in Los Angeles it stands for Breathing Valuable Air – says it all really.

Malcolm’s in A & E!
Is he going to peg out?
No, still BVA.

by AKACroatalin March 1, 2019

I don’t wanna, I don’t haveta, I ain’t gonna

Something really useful from the US. The only reply to be made to an acquaintance, or a co-worker you don’t like very much who makes ridiculous demands on your time and effort for no recompense.

“What did you say when Malcolm asked you to do his work while he sloped off to get freebies at the supermarket?”
“I don’t wanna, I don’t haveta, I ain’t gonna.”

by AKACroatalin September 5, 2016

Brouhaha

Brouhaha (pronounced: /ˈbru hɑ hɑ / ) is a noun and means a noisy and overexcited response or reaction to something. It can be verbal or physical and can vary from two people in a noisy slanging match to mobs rampaging through city centres. It can also refer to the artificial pseudo-excitement generated by the media over something as monumentally boring as an election.

When Sue caught Malcolm stealing her sweets there was a right brouhaha

by AKACroatalin April 17, 2015

Fart Fact 13

Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.

“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”

by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019

Lunting

Lunting is a verb meaning to walk around while smoking a pipe. Tobacco was first brought to Europe by the Spanish in 1528 and the word ‘lunting’ is almost as old, first appearing somewhere around 1540 – 1550. Lunting is what pipe smokers do as a means of stress relief or to relax although it should be remembered that in large quantities tobacco can be hallucinogenic and the exercise will increase respiration rate, heart rate and may speed the absorption of any hallucinogens.

Additional meanings for lunting are emitting smoke or steam from a pipe and lighting a fire, torch or tobacco pipe. The word itself comes from either the Dutch word 'lont' meaning a slow match or fuse or the Middle Low German 'lonte' meaning a wick.

"Where’s Charlie?”
“Dunno. He’s got hold of some really strong baccy and said he was goin’ lunting.”

by AKACroatalin January 2, 2016