A wank performed while at work and during work hours, usually in the toilets and for the purpose of:

A: Giving yourself a little boost during a particularly unpleasant or difficult task.

B: Rewarding yourself for completing a particularly unpleasant or difficult task.

C: Seeing how much money you can earn from your cunt of a boss just for having a wank.

D: Stopping yourself from feeling the need to molest that hot new girl in reception.

The safeguarding of Earth and other worlds from biological cross-contamination (i.e. billionaires with too much time on their hands).

Also known as “planetary protection.” Planetary protection / quarantine “reflects both the unknown nature of the space environment and the desire of the scientific community to preserve the pristine nature of celestial bodies until they can be studied in detail.”

There are two types of interplanetary contamination. Forward contamination is the transfer of viable organisms from Earth to another celestial body. Back contamination is the transfer of extraterrestrial organisms, if such exist, back to the Earth's biosphere.

2 conceivable scenarios

1) You’ve actually managed to ‘finish the internet’, so that desperate for something to do you think ‘fuck it, I’ll go for a wank’

2) You’ve got a hangover which would maim an elephant. You’ve just taken a dump who’s splash back made New Orleans look like a puddle. You really can’t face the 15 second walk back to your desk…. So you think ‘fuck it, I’ll have a wank’. Oh, and The release of endorphins cure the headache.