A woman who looks attractive from a distance, but up close needs a lot of work done in order to actually be attractive
Man, she was like a wooden boat...looked good from a distance, but up close you can tell she was in need of more than just paint and varnish
by Furry Trout December 23, 2008
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A dildo made of wood and looks a lot like a stool leg.
"So I was sitting on a bench right? Then all these guys come up to me shouting Wooden Dildo, Wooden Dildo. Then Ryan comes up to me and starts Dildoing me, so I had no choice but to Dildo him back. Then everyone starts Dildoing each other
by the urban teacher March 15, 2009
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Painfully uncomfortable chair, constructed primarily of wood.
"For sale: 1 medieval chair, made of wood, comfort level: wooden maiden"
"Man, this chair fucking sucks, I feel like a torture victim, its basically a wooden maiden"
by the_sheeve_master March 01, 2014
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“You fucked my sister?! I’ll put you in a god damn Wooden onesie you foreskin chomping thundercunt!!”
by Cloddyboi March 21, 2020
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When a skater lands on a skateboard in a way wich the nose or tail is directed upwards into the genital area. It hurts like a bitch and makes you want to sit and watch everybody else for a while.
Billy-"Hey Bob, do an impossible!"

Bob-"Fuck that! I don't want a wooden tampon again!"

Billy-"Hahaha! That was hilarious last time!"

Bob-"Fuck you man! That is not a pleasant feeling!"
by Derrick Snow May 03, 2007
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