Tazzers is a word that a small group of Scotsmen started shouting one day while playing Car Soccer. It's kind of like most things that one shouts during a particularly intense round of sports: born from intense excitement, only making sense in that one thrilling moment. Combined with Scottish brogue, and that deepset Scottish appreciation for the thrill of soccer, and it's especially esoteric.

The two states of being are as a human being, or a hungry ghost. Semi-regularly you need to ask yourself which you are. Sometimes it is human. Others, alas, it is hungry ghost.

The hungry ghost seeks validity outside of themselves. Someone pining for an indifferent ex is a hungry ghost. Someone who arrives alone at 6:30 on Saturday night to a pub is probably a hungry ghost. Obsessive checking of mobile phones, chat sites or networks are clear signs that one is a hungry ghost.

The best thing to do is just stay home and ride it out. Read a book. Find some good clean fun.

A gun that shoots hooks that latch onto people. The shocks the **** out of them.