Quite simply one of the best directors in the world right now, as well as being the epitome of cool in his acting persona, "Beat" Takeshi (taken from his stint in stand-up double act, The Two Beats) in most of his own films, as well as the likes of Battle Royale, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, Gonin and (oops) Johnny Mnemonic.

Best known for his Yakuza films (such as Sonatine and Brother), as well as Hana-bi and the truly fantastic Zatoichi - both of which winning the Venice Film Festival in 1997 and 2003 respectively.

Also known for presenting Takeshi's Castle - which makes as much sense as Francis Ford Coppola's Saturday Night Takeaway if you think about it. Not to be confused with the qually brilliant and prolific (if borderline deranged) Takashi Miike.

When you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods

It's the Japanese equivalent of God or Jesus Christ. This is because of his immense talent as a filmmaker, comedian, writer, social commentator, satire, painter, killer, finger-cutter, hiker, athlete, stopping bullets with his chin, slapping drug-dealers around at public restrooms around 20 times in a single cut, storming and destroying magazine studios like "FRY DAY" who dare to tarnish his name, getting arrested after storming magazine studios like "FRY DAY" who dare to tarnish his name, resurrecting after mortal motorcycle accidents and coming back even more badass than before and discovering new talents, cooking, etc.

He is also the man Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer combined wish they could be.