"i keep eating box after box of these sugar free tic-tacs."

"dude, yr a sugar alcoholic. you need to go to sugar alcoholics anonymous."

"I'll be back from vacation soon. How are my fish doing?"
"Yeah, about that... 😅"

"He went to choke the chicken..."
"But that's animal abuse! How are you guys okay with this?!"
"I don't think that's what he meant by that 😅"