I told my old lady that I wanted to slap the cat tonight.

Boy: I walked in on my sister slapping the cat last night
Boy2: I wish I could have seen that. Your sister is hot.

I caught my sister last night. She was really slapping the cat.

"Hey you look great in that shirt!"
"Really, you think so?"
"Nah, I'm just slapping the cat, you look terrible!"