gee whiz! -another fucking birthday (christmas), and you're still having to get off alone!! how sad! i'm (santas') going to bring you a nice sex surrogate gift this year. you can rest back and 'watch the stars', while the surrogate does all the 'work'!!

you couldn't 'score' with michael foolsley 'cause you were three hundred pounds!!?? -no problem!!...in this box is a phone number...call the number, and order up YOUR type of sex surrogate!!

when you've done something so cringe you can't stop replaying it in your head and it stops you from getting on with your every day life