a person who acts very similar to a seal that is retarded.they yelp in a strange way that is best summed up by arf arf arf. this bizarre creature has a fetish of touching butts that are covered in butter. mating rituals for this animal are on a creeper level- they punch the face of the person that they want to mate with. scary I know.

When you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods

A retarded seal isn't really a seal. He's accually an asshole who dosen't say hi to you when you say hi to it/him. Retarded Seals are quite stupid ovbiously from the name. They usually have jew-fros and say "WHAAT?!" all the time. Retarded Seals also have Type 1 Diabetes along with ADD. They are sad poeple with very big eyebrows who might just be loners for the rest of their lives. They also usually walk around school thinking they're the shit. Retarded Seals also have the tendency to have really stupid and annoying laughs and they absoutley positivley do not know how to spell for their lives.