Evan: *makes pencil hit the ceiling, making a loud noise*

Spanish Teacher: What was that?!?!?!?

Evan: Ooo, you just missed it, a rabid squirrel flew in, hit the ceiling and then left.

"I'll be back from vacation soon. How are my fish doing?"
"Yeah, about that... 😅"

"He went to choke the chicken..."
"But that's animal abuse! How are you guys okay with this?!"
"I don't think that's what he meant by that 😅"

She gave me the rabid squirrel last night in exchange for the rusty trombone.

Get that f***ing rabid squirrel away from me!!!!