A rum most evil. consumption of port royal rum may burn your nose, eyes, and throat and if drunk correctly will lead to mass destruction.

pros: cheap as hell
Cons: you might wake up in the morning with a total stranger with numerous impending lawsuits over your head

Over-The-Pants-Hand-Job. Distant cousin of the dry hump.

Best Roll your own tobacco around. Cant get it in Uzbekistan thou (wot a cunt).

poor man's captain morgan