A fish, often tinned and doused in lashings of tomato sauce.

In human form: a pilchard is a no good, manipulating git who slimes into your life without warning, often in an underhand and devious manner. The pilchard, or pilch, (if you will) will take you for all you are worth, sucking you dry of emotion, money and soul. They have a distinctive look (like Eddie Windass off Coronation Street) but this may be overlooked due to their uncanny ability to fit in and mingle with the everyday folk and ultimately defecate on the lives of all they come into contact with.

(noun) A successful type of theft which results in an acceptable, impressive and rewarding payday for the protagonist.

Idiot, fool, incompetent. A general all-purpose name to call people. Good when you are losing an argument, it can even combat mother-calling.

A dumbass with redeeming qualities.

A pilchard is actually a fish: Any of various small marine fishes related to the herrings, especially a commercially important edible species, Sardina pilchardus, of European waters.

The distinction here is that a pilchard is quite a stupid, inconsequential fish, but it is edible, so it has redeeming qualities.

The cute blue cat who belongs to Bob the Builder. Why she's blue, who knows - it's a cartoon.

A word invented by Sarah Collins, when she grew tired of calling idiotic people 'Pillocks' and realised that Pilchard had the same effect.