Ensurance that you are pretty much the lamest person on the earth.
or
What kids who can't afford the internet/get real girlfriends do.

When you and your partner put your phones in your ass on vibrate and spam each other with texts

it's when phone fuckers ram the telephone receiver up their snatch or their arse

when you set your phone to vibrate and stick it in your vag and get one of your friends to call you