An unreasonable (or is it?)phobia of treating computer mouse as a pet.

Gettin' hard.

So terrified that one can't move.

That old fashioned Grandma cooch. Man, dipping in the fermented vintage Grandma Pussy swamp makes my dick rusty.

Naked and Petrified is an Internet-based troll meme, nowadays usually associated with Natalie Portman. It (apparently) first started out via comments on the SegFault website, and was used regarding Mae Ling Mak, a Linux magazine columnist. Its origins may lie in the Rocky Horror Show, where the heroes were turned into naked statues.

After comments were disabled on SegFault, N+P moved over to Slashdot where it mated with some Natalie Portman related trolls and appeared in its present form.

It is also closely associated with hot grits a la "Natalie Portman, naked and petrified and covered in hot grits". Articles written in late 2000 accuse the Portmanified meme of being played out, but it was still a favourite almost five years later. Even in 2007 it still pops up now and then.

When one lies on top of another pinning then down, urinates allover them, and yells "PETRIFIED PENGUIN!!"

A Raisin