I spiked Matt's coffee with a laxative because he was being a douchebag, and shortly after, he needed to use the jonh, announcing politely, "BRB, guys. I need to parachute the boys back down."

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”