"My mom made bacon and eggs this morning for breakfast, but I have ovaphilia, so I sat down to eat, looked at the plate, and was overcome with unbearable terror; the only thing that calmed me was my love of ovaphilia -- I turned around quickly to look at the computer screen displaying my weirdo fetish porn and saw Joey Lauren Adams poppin' a squat wearing only furry orange cat ears, plooping out a shiny Faberge egg and all was right with the world."

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.