The most dominant team in the Eastern Conference of the NHL since 1995. They own the New York Rangers and the Philadelphia Flyers. Winners of three Stanley Cups from 1995-2003. They used the neutral zone trap and the skill of their goaltender Martin Brodeur at playing the puck outside the crease to dominate their division and conference for more than a decade. Gary Bettman, a man seemingly intent on destroying hockey, invented the new "Brokeback NHL" in response to the Devils frustrating defensive system that stressed low scoring, defense and winning games and cups instead of the Mark Messier inspired "overpaid whining pussy, no-contact-or-I'll-cry, take-it-in-the-butt" style and attitude that seemed to summarize their cross-river rivals, the NY Rangers and their legion of snivelling, whining, douchebag fans. The Rangers fans are quick to point out the Devils' relative lack of fans, but as an original 6 team in North America's largest city, that just seems like more petty bullshit from a group of people who, despite the fact that they are New York and the salary cap just came into being, have enjoyed exactly 1 Stanley Cup championship since the start of World War II. 3 Cups since 1995 for a team that moved to the suburbs in 1982, or 1 since before Pearl Harbor for New York City, you do the math . . .

A team in the National Hockey Leauge. Composed of the bitchiest fans in the entire world, the Devils cannot even compete with the New York Rangers anymore. Star players (Martin Brodeur) cheat on their wife, and sell outs are few and far apart. Headed by Larry Robinson, who is openly gay with baseball star David Ortiz of the Boston Red-Sox.