A mountain pirate can be identified by three defining characteristics:

1) Disregards the wants and needs of others regardless of the severity of the situation. Will accept death before accepting situations involving the benefit of any being other than himself. The mountain pirate will not allow any of his resources to be used by anyone other than himself by any means.

2) Problems forming bonds with others as a result of their belief that others are after their stuff whether or not intent was shown. Basically your existence is reasonable cause for the mountain pirate to suspect that you are after their stuff. Communication with a mountain pirate should be avoided. Does not like sudden movements and typically breathes with mouth open.

3) Has stuff. The mountain pirate will always have stuff because that’s what they’re about. The mountain pirate builds a deep emotional bond with their stuff. This connection consumes every area of the mountain pirates life. Never uses a lint roller and generally has a worried expression on their face (this is because they are worried all the time. About their stuff)

The two states of being are as a human being, or a hungry ghost. Semi-regularly you need to ask yourself which you are. Sometimes it is human. Others, alas, it is hungry ghost.

The hungry ghost seeks validity outside of themselves. Someone pining for an indifferent ex is a hungry ghost. Someone who arrives alone at 6:30 on Saturday night to a pub is probably a hungry ghost. Obsessive checking of mobile phones, chat sites or networks are clear signs that one is a hungry ghost.

The best thing to do is just stay home and ride it out. Read a book. Find some good clean fun.