The evangelical preacher was an inveterate thief and a serial child molester. Still. the application of a little moral turpentine assured his place in Heaven. He was always careful to pray extra hard after what he'd call an incident.

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”