some dude: hey did u here about craig's new job
other dude: oh yeah didnt he get paid for pissing in that guy's cup
some dude: yeah man, he's sure is living the knoxville dream

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”