Jerry: Why isn't John here at the bar watching the local sports game?
Jared: He's going shopping with Jenny before they go see Chick Flick.
Jerry: What, is that his girlfriend or something?
Jared: I dunno, John always seemed a little light in his loafers....

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”