Kleptofecalmania is a condition of compulsively stealing/collecting fecal matter. The kleptofecalmaniac will often wait in restroom stalls for someone to drop a deuce and promptly enter the stall and, by whatever means necessary, steal the stool(s). The compulsion of the kleptofecalmaniac is not always limited to human excrement and has been known to include dog, cat, bear, rabbit, bat, opossum, armadillo, and jackalope droppings. The motive of the turd burglar can vary. Without regard to motive, it can be said that people exhibiting signs of kleptofecalmania should be locked in a crazy-house.

It’s an acronym standing for Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing. It’s usually used to describe embarrassment at being unable to remember someone (CRAFT moment); going onstage as the lead in the latest theatrical performance and your mind goes completely blank (CRAFT situation); the next morning after a night when you got pissed as a fart and woke up in bed cuddling a traffic cone and a string of fairy lights wound round your prick.