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Anyone who a gentile decides is Jewish is a Jew. It doesn't matter whether they practice Judaism or have never entered a synagogue. Since the birth of Christianity, being a Jew means to be personally responsible for the death of a rabbi named Joshua, better known through his name in Greek, Jesus Christ. The New Testament takes what was largely a political dispute with a renegade rabbi while Judea, a Roman province, was under military occupation and turns it into a blood libel with no expiration date. A Jew born today will be considered by the gentile world responsible for the death of Jesus. Since Jews have historically been persecuted dating from their dispersion by Rome in 70 AD and thereafter by the Christian world, they are understandably mistrusting of non-Jews, fiercely independent and have learned that education is the only commodity which is truly one's own in any event. Jews are characterized by an excess of pessimism, while they await the next Holocaust and a wicked sense of humor, best known as gallows humor. An example of which is provided below.
Lenny Bruce once said that all his life all he ever heard from gentiles is "The Jews killed Christ." Bruce said he never really believed it until, one year, he bought a house in Lake Ronkonkama, NY which is on Long Island. On the day he moved in, he went down to the basement to clean up. Behind an old bookcase he discovered a note. Bruce read it. It said, "I did it" and it was signed "Morty."
by Haman Jr. April 02, 2008
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The people who hold all the world's power, and who are responsible for everything bad that's ever happened. If things aren't going your way, it's the Jews' fault.
Bob: How did a bunch of backwards cave-dwellers manage to pull of 9-11?
Mary: Because the Jews did it.

Bob: Why won't my damn computer start up?!
Mary: It's the Jews.

Bob: How much longer is this boring movie going to last?
Mary: Shhh. Jews.
by giantslor September 02, 2016
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A slang word for: Did you
Yo stevey, jew go to that party last night?

Na man i had to do somthing, jew?

Nope.
by Bro Down November 13, 2011
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someone that you burn
jake: what's a jew?
connor: someone that you burn
by KKK_Leader May 11, 2016
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acronym for jimmy eat world. punk band from the late 90s.
and the sweetness will not be concerned with me...

sweetness-j.e.w.
by DANglefest June 12, 2008
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Verb: To steal something from someone and never return it.
I jewed your family.
by chawse123 September 07, 2016
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