"Just mixed milk and hotsauce, and it was a real handjob salad."
"I wish we could hang out with Beck and Josh by themselves. When they're together it ends up being a real handjob salad."

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”