One who does not possess the enzymes necessary to digest gluten, a main ingredient in wheat products. One who is "glutarded" must only eat gluten-free foods, such as water, tofu, and air.

The act of extreme masturbation. You must "knock one out" whilst in close proximity to any of the following; Your mum, a nun, your boss, a member of parliament, George Michael. A person with capabilities to act upon catching you mid self-abuse obvisouly ups the ante. Ejaculation must be reached before your danger wank target comes (no pun intended) to investigate. The higher the chances of being discovered with one's pants down, pulling one's war face is obviously where the danger comes from. The more danger involved the harder (or softer) it is to complete the task in hand (snigger). The more dangerous the better. The chance of being arrested, pummeled by an angry father or having your hand severed by an arab's sabre means that you are a pro "Danger wanker."

One who often and aggressively expresses their opinion about gluten but knows almost nothing about it.

A Glutard will not know:
- What gluten actually is.
- That gluten free food is more processed than their gluten counterparts because the wheat gluten must be extracted.
- What current science says about real gluten intolerance (Celiac disease).
- How gluten intolerance occurs (such as believing that you can breath gluten in like asbestos or absorb gluten through the skin and hair)

A Glutard will speak absolute lies, such as:
- gluten is a"chemical additive" put there by "the food industry."
- gluten free food is more "natural."
- gluten causes cancer.
- gluten causes illness X or making us all sick/dumb/obedient, etc.
- Will mix/match/interchange gluten with various substances which aren't gluten (such as Monosodium glutamate, known as MSG)

A Glutard's opinion of the negative effects of gluten also extend beyond diet alone. Their "knowledge" of gluten is made up of complete lies and/or marketing information from labelled gluten free food products.

True example:

Person 1: "So, what are the advantages of gluten free soap? I thought gluten only affected your diet?"

Glutard: "It's been proven that soap releases gluten fibers which you can breath in and make you sick. This is why you sometimes feel out of breath after a shower."

Someone who is allergic to gluten or has coeliac disease or something that is gluten free.

A term that apparently means "one who does not possess the enzymes necessary to digest gluten," except that isn't how celiac disease or gluten intolerance actually works.

Glutard, someone who can not have wheat gluten in their diet.

Someone who chooses not to consume gluten but does not have certified medical reasons.