Dan was going to give the following note to his girlfriend, Michelle, on the occasion of their one-year anniversary: “You’re coo. Let’s get it on tonight after you cook for me.”

But luckily, Dan’s friend, Alicia, was able to girlate before he sent it to Michelle so it read: “Love cannot not be gift-wrapped into a box. But if you were love, I would want to unwrap you and hug you for the rest of our lives!”

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.