I woke up one night to find "gelatinous ecstasy" on my chest and my roommate Jon standing over me, smiling. I went to the bathroom one night, and found "gelatinous ecstasy" all over the toilet seat.

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”