Overheard at the Senate hearings-
Senator McCain: "General Petraeus, What is your opinion on the Fecal Matter?"
General Petraeus: "Sir? You are referring to the situation in Iraq, sir?"
McCain: "What? What in God's name are you talking about?"
Petraeus: "You were asking me about the bad situation we are in with Iraq?"
McCain:"What the hell? No I wasn't, you nincompoop! I just shit myself. I'm 70 years old, and it seems to happen more and more at these damnable hearings. I just thought you might like the interesting design it made on my trousers."
Petraeus: "I'm not prepared to comment on that at this point in time, sir"
McCain: "Very good, Petraeus. That will be all... Where the hell is my nurse?"

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.

And lo, Sir Edward did assume a sitting position whilst using the facilities, and a large burst of fecal matter didst disperse forth from his rectum, and there was much rejoicing.

After eating that 10 lb. burrito, Michael splattered fecal matter all over the bathroom

1."Dude You Smell Like Fecal Matter!"
2."Fecal Matter on the Floor, Fecal Matter on the Wall, Fecal Matter in my pants as i do the Fecal Dance."
(Crouch Down and act like takin a Shit)

Man, I had fecal matter all over my chest last night by that hairy gorilla.