I was so essfaced last night that I forgot my friend was video taping me from inside my closet while I boned a chick in the ass that when she accidentally shit on my dick, I threw up all over her and, in turn, she threw up all over me which made him fall out of the closet and scare the shit out of me as he too threw up all over the place.

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.