My mom promised that I would get an ombre for my birthday but then she changed her mind and wouldn't let me. One more of her empty promises.

I'm hungover as a duck let's go get some grub

The 90 year old retiree excitedly woke up for the first time in 20 years with an erection, but in the end, he was handed only empty promises.

“Did you make a bowl of cereal before you went to poop?”
“Yeah, just a quick Empty Promise”