Ear Beater: "...So, then I realized that to de-worm my Cocker Spaniel, I would probably have to get it to stop eating shit, but before I did that I would need to let it out of its cage. Whenever I let that little fucker out of his cage he just pisses on everything. You know who else pisses on everything? Steve. One time he pissed on my Cocker Spaniel..."

Victim's Mind: Oh my fucking God, this is the worst ear beating ever.

After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.