You: What are you doing this weekend?

Friend: Oh my gosh, I have to go to a dreadding on Saturday. My mom's friends' daughter is getting married in Annapolis at 1pm and then the reception is in Baltimore at 5pm. I barely even know this girl and her stupid dreadding is going to take up my whole Saturday!

"I'll be back from vacation soon. How are my fish doing?"
"Yeah, about that... 😅"

"He went to choke the chicken..."
"But that's animal abuse! How are you guys okay with this?!"
"I don't think that's what he meant by that 😅"