"she called me yesterday and asked me about it ... but I don't really remember because I was getting crunk juiced."

He was so crunk juiced after the party, that he hooked up with his best friend's girl.

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”