It began with the creation of the great cable providers. Many were given to the people of the US, but they were all of them deceived. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master cable provider, to control all others and into, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and and the worst fucking customer service imaginable, its name was Comcast. One by one respectable cable providers fell to the power of the Comcast. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Disgruntled customers and AT&T employees marched against the tyranny of Comcast and in the parking lot of Comcast's headquarters they fought for the right to choose a respectable cable service.
by Satan's Almighty Penis July 27, 2014
A supposed digital service provider employing a business plan from the stone age set up to do nothing other than rape it's customers. Instead of allowing consumers to choose their own content packages, they force 90% extra bullshit fluff added to the 10% of services you actually want for ridiculously outlandish prices.
Running with a completely streamlined skeletoned system of equipment and hardware that's not kept up to date with modern firmware or standards whatsoever, nothing is ever working the way it's intended and if anything goes wrong expect to be ignored until it starts working again, which can take hours if not days at a time.
Line signal strength is a joke and overtaxed during peak hours so if you're neighbor is looking up porn while you wish to game online expect frequent lag and disconnections. Switching stations have no stand by systems or backups in place so if anything on the Comcast service network goes down you have no services, such as Television, Internet and Phone.
Running with a completely streamlined skeletoned system of equipment and hardware that's not kept up to date with modern firmware or standards whatsoever, nothing is ever working the way it's intended and if anything goes wrong expect to be ignored until it starts working again, which can take hours if not days at a time.
Line signal strength is a joke and overtaxed during peak hours so if you're neighbor is looking up porn while you wish to game online expect frequent lag and disconnections. Switching stations have no stand by systems or backups in place so if anything on the Comcast service network goes down you have no services, such as Television, Internet and Phone.
1. I just got booted from Xbox Live! Again! Fucking asshat next door must be jerking off!
2. Comcast is down, better call it in to complain... oh wait, Comcast also provides the phone, and since the service is down the phone isn't working.
3. Customer service has had me on hold for hours! They must not have any staff to handle anything because they expect no one to call when the service is down because it disables the customer's phone! Guess they don't realize we still have cellphones! Oh I just got through... nope they don't speak English and promptly hung up on me!
4. I've just pinged the local switching station's IP and I'm getting not half the rate for which I'm paying for their supposed "high-speed" internet... customer service tells me that I'm paying for "up-to" a certain speed. I'm thinking about only paying "up-to" a certain amount of my fucking bill! Fuck Comcast, I'm cancelling this shit!
2. Comcast is down, better call it in to complain... oh wait, Comcast also provides the phone, and since the service is down the phone isn't working.
3. Customer service has had me on hold for hours! They must not have any staff to handle anything because they expect no one to call when the service is down because it disables the customer's phone! Guess they don't realize we still have cellphones! Oh I just got through... nope they don't speak English and promptly hung up on me!
4. I've just pinged the local switching station's IP and I'm getting not half the rate for which I'm paying for their supposed "high-speed" internet... customer service tells me that I'm paying for "up-to" a certain speed. I'm thinking about only paying "up-to" a certain amount of my fucking bill! Fuck Comcast, I'm cancelling this shit!
by WCrispy July 24, 2009
A company that spends all its money on advertising and thus has none left over for customer service.
Also see monopoly
Also see monopoly
by Degu July 11, 2008
by Tight_pussy January 11, 2014
A piece of shit that won't let me play league of legends without using a 9 foot dildo to fuck me in the asshole. While i play i will disconnect 9 times and in between those times I will be anally fucked in the ass by comcast so deep to where the head of comcasts dick will come out my mouth.
by SuchABallerThatILiveWithMyMom June 7, 2015
One of the few companies today that manage to combine terrible cable services with equally dreadful internet connection, topped off with high prices and increasingly bad commercials that contradict all of the above.
The initial benefits of Comcast wear off quickly. The seemingly useful TV Guide menu is pointless when the shows they display are incorrect. Plus, you can just go the TV Guide website, channel, or magazine. OnDemand doesn't even work. So it's not really "on demand", at all. Most of the shows on it either sucks or you have to pay for it, which doesn't make sense considering there's websites that broadcast all of your favorite shows for free. The HD channels rarely work either. So this is what I'm paying seventy dollars a month for...
The initial benefits of Comcast wear off quickly. The seemingly useful TV Guide menu is pointless when the shows they display are incorrect. Plus, you can just go the TV Guide website, channel, or magazine. OnDemand doesn't even work. So it's not really "on demand", at all. Most of the shows on it either sucks or you have to pay for it, which doesn't make sense considering there's websites that broadcast all of your favorite shows for free. The HD channels rarely work either. So this is what I'm paying seventy dollars a month for...
Person A: What kind of cable do you have?
Person B: Comcast. It sucks.
Person A: Really? At least you have OnDemand.
Person B: Yeah... every few days I do.
Person B: Comcast. It sucks.
Person A: Really? At least you have OnDemand.
Person B: Yeah... every few days I do.
by girloncomputer March 19, 2009
The fucking shittiest service known to man. Fuck this fucking cock ass nigger shit. They wont even connect. This thing wont even fucking connect. I've been trying to play League of Legends for 2 hours and my friends have already played two games and they won and they're gunna stop playing and imuna have to to go read a book or something. FUUUKKKKKKK.
My Friends: dude that game last night was awesome.
Me: FUCKING SHIT FUCK ASS COCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU
My Friends: Oh you have comcast dont you
Me: FUCKING SHIT FUCK ASS COCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU
My Friends: Oh you have comcast dont you
by super fucking pissed off February 21, 2013