"I unbuttoned her pants and tried to run my hand down her panties, but it got caught in her carpet."

Wife: “Have you put the sheets out to dry and put the towels on?”
Husband: “Yes. You know I am a grown adult also used to live alone so you do not need to micro marrige me”

Her carpet was well trimmed.

I skipped happily along the carpet, and when I tripped I only chipped four teeth.

"Mmmm, check out that carpet, I wish I was eating some of *that*!"

"Have you shat on the carpet?" "No, i havent shatten the car pet yet today."

Wow thanks now I feel like a carpet.