"she done got one damn fine caboose"

I got a call from X the other night. She had an extra ticket to a concert she bought for a friend, but they couldn’t make it so she called me to ask if I wanted to go because I am her Second String Friend.

Caboose: SHEILA!!!NOOO!!!
Tucker:No! Sheila! Shiela!!....wait..whos sheila
Caboose:She was the lady in the tank, she was my friend
Tucker:Dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in the tank!

Tucker: Caboose, that is rediculous!
Caboose: Is it? Or is it sooo rediculous, it's the most rediculously perfect idea...that you never thought of?

Sarge-Hello? Is anyone there? Do you read me? Do i read you? Anyone? Anybody?Nobody? Ok. well, looks like we're stuck here.
Caboose-...my toes are getting proony
*walk a little*
Caboose-Sarge! Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge-Holy Macaroon...he's not sleeping son, he's dead.
Caboose-Good, for a second there I thought he was me...because i am blue, and i like to sleep. but if he is dead, that can't possibly be me...that would be silly.

Tex-O'Mally is held up in this base, and he has been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help, one of those religous nuts you guys picked up
Caboose-OH! I liked them, they were funny.
Tucker-Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag
Caboose-I try not to think of the bad things about people
Tucker-thast all they did, there were no good things
Caboose-Thats ok...I have a really bad memory, WOW LOOK A BEACH!

Chruch: "I can't move my legs!"
Caboose: "Well....why don't you just..walk it off?"

Church: hey caboose are you getting all this?
caboose: i think so... that guy text isnt really a guy but is a robot and you are his boyfriend... so that makes you... a gay robot.
Church: thats right... im a gay robot.

Church: hey ill let you on a little secret. i actualy have a girl back home.
Tucker: ya girlfriend or wife?
church: no man, shes just my girlfriend. i was going to ask her to marry me but i got shiped out and.. well you know how it works.
tucker: so you going to ask her to marry you when you get back?
caboose: im not going to get married. my dad always said, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
Church: hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: no dude i think he called her a slut.
Church: ok heres the deal rookie, i can listin to you insult my girlfriend all day but as it turns out i have a better job for you to do. you see we have this general.
Tucker: ya the general.
church: that likes to come by and mke random inspections of the base and the first thing he wants to see is the flag. so what im going to have you do is go inside, far away from us and stand in attention next to the flag till he comes.
caboose: when will he get here?
tucker: we dont know it could be today, or it could be a week from now.
Caboose: so you want me to stand in attention for a week?
**skiping small talk**
Caboose: umm sir.
Church: what rookie.
caboose: sry about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE JUST GET IN THERE, GET IN THERE!!
tucker: he he he
Church: tucker are you laghing at me?
doughnut: um excuse me sirs.
Church DEAR GOD IN HEVEN ROOKIE, IF I TURN AROUND I CANT.. I CANT BE HELD RESPONSABLE FOR WHAT I AM GOING TO DO TO YOU.
Doughnut: what did i do?
Church: 1
doughnut: aww come on.
Church: 2
Doughnut: FINE.