The fourth and final installment of the hugely popular saga, Twilight. It is best know for lacking a decent, gripping plot that makes sense, and the creation of a mutant-vampire-baby-freak Renesmee.
A 12 step sum up of Breaking Dawn
1. Bella marries Edward in a sickeningly-sweet wedding.
2. They go on honeymoon and consummate their marriage (although re-reading is needed to understand that they actually did do it) using pillows and headboards.
3. Edward beats the shit out of Bella during the unmentioned act and vows not to do it again until she is a vampire (which, in all honestly, is really quiet sensible and realistic), but she then seduces him and they continue the unmentioned.
4. Bella becomes pregnant by mutant vampire sperm attacking her womb. Edward know this will hurt her and wants her to get rid of it (again, sensible), but Bella stupidly falls in love with the baby freak and will not allow it.
5. The pregnancy is dragged on through about 100 pages of boringness interspersed with gross vampire pregnancy-ness.
6. Bella FINALLY gives birth in a terrifying R rated movie way, which involved the baby exploding from her insides (think if the movie Alien), which breaking her bones, basically destroying her. Oh yeah, and Edward gives her a C-section with his teeth. Yum.
7. Jacob the werewolf imprints on the mutant baby. Poor Jacob.
8. Bella becomes a vampire and they all play happy family for about 200 VERY LONG pages.
9. The Volturi find out about the mutant baby Reneesme, uh-oh. Finally some action!
10. Preparations are made for the Volturi's arrival; you begin to feel slightly interested in the book, wondering who will die (hopefully the freak child).
11. The Volturi come, 100 pages of discussion and they leave. No fight, no (real) deaths. The suspense was for nothing. You begin to start the fire to burn the book.
12. They return to playing happy family. Insert book in fire.
Yeah, Breaking Dawn. The only thing it has broken is thousands of dedicated fans' souls. Thanks Meyer.
A 12 step sum up of Breaking Dawn
1. Bella marries Edward in a sickeningly-sweet wedding.
2. They go on honeymoon and consummate their marriage (although re-reading is needed to understand that they actually did do it) using pillows and headboards.
3. Edward beats the shit out of Bella during the unmentioned act and vows not to do it again until she is a vampire (which, in all honestly, is really quiet sensible and realistic), but she then seduces him and they continue the unmentioned.
4. Bella becomes pregnant by mutant vampire sperm attacking her womb. Edward know this will hurt her and wants her to get rid of it (again, sensible), but Bella stupidly falls in love with the baby freak and will not allow it.
5. The pregnancy is dragged on through about 100 pages of boringness interspersed with gross vampire pregnancy-ness.
6. Bella FINALLY gives birth in a terrifying R rated movie way, which involved the baby exploding from her insides (think if the movie Alien), which breaking her bones, basically destroying her. Oh yeah, and Edward gives her a C-section with his teeth. Yum.
7. Jacob the werewolf imprints on the mutant baby. Poor Jacob.
8. Bella becomes a vampire and they all play happy family for about 200 VERY LONG pages.
9. The Volturi find out about the mutant baby Reneesme, uh-oh. Finally some action!
10. Preparations are made for the Volturi's arrival; you begin to feel slightly interested in the book, wondering who will die (hopefully the freak child).
11. The Volturi come, 100 pages of discussion and they leave. No fight, no (real) deaths. The suspense was for nothing. You begin to start the fire to burn the book.
12. They return to playing happy family. Insert book in fire.
Yeah, Breaking Dawn. The only thing it has broken is thousands of dedicated fans' souls. Thanks Meyer.
Fan 1: Did you read Breaking Dawn?
Fan 2: Yeah, I just finished it now.
Fan 1: Wanna come found to my house and burn it with me?
Fan 2: Yeah, I just finished it now.
Fan 1: Wanna come found to my house and burn it with me?
by behappy48 March 29, 2009
An insult to literature; the absolute worst book of the Twilight Saga
Summary:
-Bella (18 year old human) and Edward (108 year old vampire) get married.
-Bella and Edward have vampire sex and Bella ends up with bruises and feathers all over her body (Edward bit a pillow)
-Her eggo gets preggo (major plot hole- Edward is a vampire so his sperm is dead) with a demon child that sucks her blood and breaks her ribs, pelvis, and spine from the inside of her uterus.
-Edward gives Bella a C-section with his teeth.
-They name the baby RENESMEE. poor kid. gonna get beat up in the school yard. :/
-Bella becomes a vampire and they have sex a bunch of times.
-Volturi want to kill Renesmee
-For 200 pgs, they fret and worry about how they're all gonna die
-They convince the Volturi Renesmee isn't a threat. That's right, no fight scene or anything.
-They live happily ever after. Even the title of the last chapter is titled "Happily Ever After"
I recommend this book to: airheads, morons, anyone who wants to spoon their eyes out
Summary:
-Bella (18 year old human) and Edward (108 year old vampire) get married.
-Bella and Edward have vampire sex and Bella ends up with bruises and feathers all over her body (Edward bit a pillow)
-Her eggo gets preggo (major plot hole- Edward is a vampire so his sperm is dead) with a demon child that sucks her blood and breaks her ribs, pelvis, and spine from the inside of her uterus.
-Edward gives Bella a C-section with his teeth.
-They name the baby RENESMEE. poor kid. gonna get beat up in the school yard. :/
-Bella becomes a vampire and they have sex a bunch of times.
-Volturi want to kill Renesmee
-For 200 pgs, they fret and worry about how they're all gonna die
-They convince the Volturi Renesmee isn't a threat. That's right, no fight scene or anything.
-They live happily ever after. Even the title of the last chapter is titled "Happily Ever After"
I recommend this book to: airheads, morons, anyone who wants to spoon their eyes out
by screaminghallelujah6 April 28, 2009
The final installment in the twilight saga that crushed the souls of thousands and thousands of crazed teenaged girls with it's horrible and slightly perverted themes.
SPOILERIFIC SUMMARY:
- Bella, the human, and Edward, the vampire, get married.
- Then they have rough sex that leaves her bruised and battered. (Also, he bites a pillow and covers her with feathers.)
- Then she gets totally pregnant with some kind of demon death baby who grows at a superhuman rate, can read thoughts in the womb, drinks blood in utero, and breaks Bella's ribs, pelvis, and spine from the inside.
- Some werewolf stuff happens and Jacob (20 year old werewolf) falls in love with the tiny demon death baby which sparked many confused and slightly disturbed comments and thoughts in readers around the country.
- The baby is delivered via Cesarean section, which is a polite way of saying that other characters rip Bella's stomach open with their teeth. ("Seriously, they cannot make this into a movie. I cannot imagine for one second how they could make this into a movie appropriate for teenage girls and keep this part in it.")
- Bella becomes a vampire and develops superpowers and has sex with Edward a lot of times.
- Everybody lives happily forever after.
The book does however leave one major unanswered question: What's it like doing it with the undead? "Was it like fucking a popsicle?" Alas, we'll never know.
The book was met with an awful response from the fans and motions to return every copy have been put in place.
SPOILERIFIC SUMMARY:
- Bella, the human, and Edward, the vampire, get married.
- Then they have rough sex that leaves her bruised and battered. (Also, he bites a pillow and covers her with feathers.)
- Then she gets totally pregnant with some kind of demon death baby who grows at a superhuman rate, can read thoughts in the womb, drinks blood in utero, and breaks Bella's ribs, pelvis, and spine from the inside.
- Some werewolf stuff happens and Jacob (20 year old werewolf) falls in love with the tiny demon death baby which sparked many confused and slightly disturbed comments and thoughts in readers around the country.
- The baby is delivered via Cesarean section, which is a polite way of saying that other characters rip Bella's stomach open with their teeth. ("Seriously, they cannot make this into a movie. I cannot imagine for one second how they could make this into a movie appropriate for teenage girls and keep this part in it.")
- Bella becomes a vampire and develops superpowers and has sex with Edward a lot of times.
- Everybody lives happily forever after.
The book does however leave one major unanswered question: What's it like doing it with the undead? "Was it like fucking a popsicle?" Alas, we'll never know.
The book was met with an awful response from the fans and motions to return every copy have been put in place.
by Please make the screaming stop August 5, 2008
1) The new standard of epic fail in "literature."
2) The 4th and most dreadfully awful book of the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer.
Plot summary, read it and laugh...
Bella "Sue" Swan and Edward "Stu" Cullen get married. Their honeymoon consists of Bella having violent "blackout" sex with Edward, liking it and beging for more. Bella gets pregnant.
(Oh, and totally disregard the rules of biology. ie the fact that Edward has no blood, and blood is necessary for sex and the fact that he has icy cold skin, and thus he wouldn't be able to incubate sperm. Stephanie Meyer won't answer this question, instead she will accuse YOU of having a dirty mind. Also totally disregard the fact that traditionally, vampires are not able to make babies. Stephanie Meyer's vampires are "speshul" and "unike" and they sparkle in the sunlight!) Some random crap happens that I don't really care about...Then follows a intensely graphic child-birthing scene. (not recommended reading for those sensitive to blood and gore) Bella names her kid "Renesme" and Jacob, the werewolf who used to compete w/ Edward for Bella's affection, "imprints" on her (meaning he has a case of paedophilia), Renesme gets betrothed to Jacob. Then there is this huge rising climax and the Cullens and the Volturi get ready to fight and, NOTHING HAPPENS! They live happily ever after. The end.
2) The 4th and most dreadfully awful book of the Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer.
Plot summary, read it and laugh...
Bella "Sue" Swan and Edward "Stu" Cullen get married. Their honeymoon consists of Bella having violent "blackout" sex with Edward, liking it and beging for more. Bella gets pregnant.
(Oh, and totally disregard the rules of biology. ie the fact that Edward has no blood, and blood is necessary for sex and the fact that he has icy cold skin, and thus he wouldn't be able to incubate sperm. Stephanie Meyer won't answer this question, instead she will accuse YOU of having a dirty mind. Also totally disregard the fact that traditionally, vampires are not able to make babies. Stephanie Meyer's vampires are "speshul" and "unike" and they sparkle in the sunlight!) Some random crap happens that I don't really care about...Then follows a intensely graphic child-birthing scene. (not recommended reading for those sensitive to blood and gore) Bella names her kid "Renesme" and Jacob, the werewolf who used to compete w/ Edward for Bella's affection, "imprints" on her (meaning he has a case of paedophilia), Renesme gets betrothed to Jacob. Then there is this huge rising climax and the Cullens and the Volturi get ready to fight and, NOTHING HAPPENS! They live happily ever after. The end.
It is no surprise that this book has turned many former Twilight fans against the series. But what really surprises me is why they liked the series in the first place.
People who like Breaking Dawn or the Twilight Series should think twice about the shit they are feeding their brain.
People who like Breaking Dawn or the Twilight Series should think twice about the shit they are feeding their brain.
by The-Alternative-To-Idiocy March 21, 2010
Quite possibly the worst book in history:
Read the first 50 pages...
Put it down...
Promised self to try and read it later... Didn't read it later...
Regretted not returning it after losing the reciept.
This book is sitting on my shelf and waiting for me to run out of firewood.
Read the first 50 pages...
Put it down...
Promised self to try and read it later... Didn't read it later...
Regretted not returning it after losing the reciept.
This book is sitting on my shelf and waiting for me to run out of firewood.
After trying to get through the first part of Breaking Dawn, I immediately gave up and asked my obsessed friends for a plot synopsis. >.<
by Hates the World February 23, 2009
Sequel to Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse, also known as an epic fail to those who do not suffer from SMeyer glorification.
Gave birth to the demon spawn nudger Renesmee Carlie Cullen (a.k.a. Nessie)
And with its release it destroyed a fan base with a mere 800 pages
Gave birth to the demon spawn nudger Renesmee Carlie Cullen (a.k.a. Nessie)
And with its release it destroyed a fan base with a mere 800 pages
by JazzateNessie August 10, 2008
The, by far, worst of the Twilght saga, and a huge disappointment. Fans everywhere are claiming they are over the books because of the completely horrible plot of Breaking Dawn. Many people are complaining about Stephenie Meyer going back on what she had said before about vampires being able to have children. She should have mentioned the certain type of vampire that can in fact, have children.
Quite a few fans decided not to buy the book because of the spoilers that were released before the book was coming out. Someone got ahold of the first seven chapters, and many did not buy the atrocity Stephenie Meyer called a book because of it.
Quite a few fans decided not to buy the book because of the spoilers that were released before the book was coming out. Someone got ahold of the first seven chapters, and many did not buy the atrocity Stephenie Meyer called a book because of it.
by twi-hardB4BD August 3, 2008