Asscertain your credit background.

phone: why don’t you go to sleep tommy it’s 2 in the morning?
tommy:why don’t you die you dumbazz

I love kneading a pretty girl's shapely rump wif my hands, so I always claim dat I wanna asscertain some particular feature or quality of her delightful "rear fun bubbles" in order to persuade her to let me feel her up --- this smilingly-stated excuse usually does indeed work, although of course da cute chick always sees through my ruse, gigglingly saying, "Oh, you just wanna SQUEEZE MY BUTT!" :P