When you are screwing a girl on a beach, you take your penis out, dip it in the sand, then stick it back in her.

The two states of being are as a human being, or a hungry ghost. Semi-regularly you need to ask yourself which you are. Sometimes it is human. Others, alas, it is hungry ghost.

The hungry ghost seeks validity outside of themselves. Someone pining for an indifferent ex is a hungry ghost. Someone who arrives alone at 6:30 on Saturday night to a pub is probably a hungry ghost. Obsessive checking of mobile phones, chat sites or networks are clear signs that one is a hungry ghost.

The best thing to do is just stay home and ride it out. Read a book. Find some good clean fun.

An act in which a firefighter (typically of the North American coastal variety) deliberately soils his class “B” uniform shirt with a white substance of some kind, eg. cake frosting or penile ejaculate.

This disgruntled act of passive aggressive behavior is typically displayed at morning briefing and in response to a superior officer’s request to don the appropriate uniform attire when the overworked employee returns to the station after responding to a deluge of medical aids.